Family

Family Jokes

Finger Gun

When your friend does a finger-gun and his dad appears behind him and does it too, with the real deal!

  • 0
  • House

    Police: Where do you live?

    Me: With my parents.

    Police: Where do your parents live?

    Me: With me.

    Police: Where do you all live?

    Me: Together.

    Police: Where is your house?

    Me: Next to my neighbor.

    Police: Where is your neighbor’s house?

    Me: If I tell you, you won't believe me.

    Police: Tell me.

    Me: Next to my house.

  • 4
  • Adoption

    Father: "Son, you were adopted."

    Son: "What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!"

    Father: "We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes."

    Orphan

    Why is an orphan so bad at baseball?

    Because they can't make it to home.

    Dad

    My dad told me that his dreams were shattered a few years ago.

    Then I asked him how many years ago.

    He replied with, "When were you born?"

    Word

    I will never forget my Grandpa's last words: "What are you doing with that rope and saw?"

    Grandma

    You walk into your grandma's room and you see her naked and she says "Come here grandson." What would you do?

    Dad

    Dad: "Son, does mommy like having lady-friends over?"

    Son: "Nah, mostly men."

    Dad: "Do you think you'd be comfortable telling that to a judge in court?"

    Virgin

    What do you call a baby that came out of their mother's womb? A virgin.

    Mom

    Person 1: How the freak did you get in my house?!?! I locked the door!!!

    Person 2: But I'm your mom... I have a key. You dumbass.

    Tack

    I don't know why my blind kid is crying, but I think it could be the tacks I put on the couch.

    Dad

    My dad is like Hurricane Katrina. I haven’t seen either since 2005.

  • 9
  • Dick pic

    When you send a dick pic and she sends one back,

    I'm glad mine is the biggest, so I get to fuck my dad again.

    Daddy

    "I'm not sure why my girlfriend's father doesn't like me."

    "What was your first impression on him?"

    "I told him, she calls me daddy too."

    Freezer

    What do you call a blonde in a freezer?

    Her parents called her Cindy, so we should probably continue calling her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.

    Plane

    I asked my uncle why he was living on the streets.

    He said that he wasn't always on the streets, he used to have a job at these two towers. I asked him what happened, and he said two planes happened.

    Stepdad

    What's the difference between my dad and my stepdad?

    My stepdad beat my ass before he left.