Family jokes
Your hairline goes so far back your dad didn't leave.
My mum said take out the trash, so I took my sister.
What's the difference between my sister and my phone? I don't give a damn if my phone dies.
Why did Michael Jackson divorce LMP? She didn't want to give him kids.
A kid told me to go get a dad, so I punched the kid. He went to tell his parents. Oh wait, he can't, 'cause he's an orphan, and orphans have no parents.
Maybe we should stop talking about orphans, their parents will get ma... oh wait.
Why do orphans go to church?
Because there they have a father.
What's the difference between a paralyzed kid and a father?
The father gets to leave, while the kid stays.
Father: I am taking your toys to the orphanage.
Son: Why?
Father: You’ll need them there.
What is an orphan's favorite song?
"Home."
What's the best thing you can do if you're feeling lonely?
Watch a scary movie. You won't feel lonely anymore.
My uncles like the moon.
He comes out at night.
Three Things I Want For Christmas From Santa:
1. A Lambo
2. A House
3. UR MOM
What’s the difference between an orphan and a tomato?
The tomato gets picked.
Why do orphans like baseball so they can know what a real home is?
One day, a girl was showering with her mom. She pointed at her mom's breasts and asked: "When can I get these?" Her mother replied: "In about 6 to 7 years when you grow up :)".
The other day, the girl's showering with her dad, and she pointed at his penis and asked: "When can I get this?" Her dad looked around and replied: "In about 20 minutes when your mom leaves the house."
Yo mama is so ugly that your dad has to be drunk to bring her home.
Bully: I wouldn't bother wasting my time on a shit person like you.
Me: At least I have a brain unlike you.
Bully: Well at least I have a mom unlike you.
Me: Well your mom is so fat that she got stuck in her car and started bleeding Nutella?
Bully: How would you know that?
Me: Because she told me herself.
Bully: How exactly?
Me: She's on the phone right now.
Phone: *High pitched animal noises*
Me: Told you so!
Mother, father, and a son. Father purchased a robot that can detect lies. The robot slaps when you lie.
During dinner time: Father: Son, what have you done today? Son: I watched Netflix, Dad. Robot: Stood up and slapped the son! Son: Okay! Okay! I watched porn, Dad. Dad: What? You watched porn? You are only 14! I never knew porn till I was 18 years of age. Robot: Stood up and slapped the Dad! Mother: Started to laugh and said "Sure he is your son!" Robot: Stood up and slapped the mother!
Hehe
Why do orphans want to become criminals? To know what it feels like to be wanted.