Failing jokes
Stormtrooper: What should we do about the failed plan?
Palpatine: Screw it.
Fail and fall mean the same thing when it’s downstairs.
I told a 9/11 joke to my friends today.
It didn't land well.
What’s red, slimy, and makes my wife scream? Two failed abortions!
What's an orphan's least favorite joke?
... YO MAMA SOO, Oh wait...
They all call it self-baptism. I call it failed suicide.
What's white and bloody?
Two doves in a trash compactor. Talk about a failed marriage.
Imagine failing to commit suicide; you might as well go kill yourself.
If your parachute fails midair, remember, you have the rest of your life to fix it.
Today, there was a big test for Little Timmy. During the test, Timmy had to take a really huge shit. So, he rushed to the bathroom. He took a while in there.
When he was done, he realized there was no more toilet paper left. Since there was nothing around him to use, the only thing he could do was wipe with his hand. His time in the bathroom was up, and he needed to finish that test! He didn’t have time to wash his hands. So, he hurried back. The problem was, the hand he wiped with was his right hand. He used his left hand to complete the test, which made him fail. When he got home, his mother was standing there crossing her arms. “Timmy, the teacher had called and said you wrote sloppy on your test. Why is that?” Timmy replied, “Oh, it’s because I caught a leprechaun with my right hand, but if I opened it, my classmates would scare him away, so I had to use my left.” Timmy’s mother glared at him with disbelief. “Timmy, I don’t believe you. Now open your hand!” Timmy did so and opened his hand. “See, mother? I said you’d scare the shit out of him!”
A guy tried to suffocate himself with his BMW exhaust, but his engine failed.
This is the first time German engineering fails to gas someone.
How many blacks does it take to start a riot?
-1.
Why are Americans bad at Clash Royale? Because they lost both towers.
So, you wanna hear a joke about the wall?
... Actually, nah, you won't get over it.
Am I the only one here that actually tried to kill myself 15 times and failed every time and landed up in the hospital every time?
My parents telling me: "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
Me upset about my suicide attempt doesn't succeed.
A grasshopper tries playing cricket. It failed and got eaten by the bat.
Guy: Hey, Siri, I failed my final exams, can you cheer me up?
Siri: What’s the difference between you and your grandma? Your grandma passed!
Why did the skydiver's parachute fail?
Because it realized it had a better chance of survival without them.
Yo mama is so ugly that when she went through a face ID, it didn't think she was human.