Failing jokes

Am I the only one here that actually tried to kill myself 15 times and failed every time and landed up in the hospital every time?

You know that your grades are bad when you get a 66% on a test and your grade goes up.

In life, it’s either yeet or get beat, and I clearly failed yeeting as a child, as my dad beat me.

Don't ever try to give an emo kid a high five. They'll just leave you hanging.

Imagine calling a dragon "fucking dewi."

I don't ever really bother women, but when I do, I usually just want to talk. I guess since I just so happened to be a straight male that's not a 10 or a 5, I get shutdown so fast. I put out lit candles...like damn, I thought I hid my ring.

There is nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.

What’s a lung’s favorite type of exercise?

Breathing exercises.

I told this to my English teacher, and he said it to the class, and no one laughed. Someone help!

What did the terrorist do when his kidneys failed?

Dial-ISIS!

My parents telling me: "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

Me upset about my suicide attempt doesn't succeed.

Things I would’ve missed if my suicide attempt didn’t fail in 2020.

My attempt in 2021.

And my attempt this year.

I wrote an essay today about Africa, and I FAILED even though I wrote a perfect rendition of the Hunger Games storyline.

If you try to fail and you succeed, which one did you do?

Yesterday, I tried to help a little girl by a road stop crying. I asked her where her parents were, and that made her cry harder. So then I asked her where her house was, and she said with tears, "I don't have one." So I got her in my car and drove her to where she said she was living. It was an orphanage.

My dad may be working, but the coping mechanisms sure aren't!

Bro never learned how to play Jenga. 🙄

POV: An Asian kidnapper kidnapped an Asian kid, and the kidnapper called the kid's mom. Then the mom said, "No, it's fine, my kid got a B, he failed." And the kidnapper let him go saying he doesn't need a failure.

Bro, yesterday this bird made the weirdest chirp. It sounded something like this:

"Error code 6, 4, 4, 2, sound: bird call, failed to play, government drone 0, 7, 7, 5 requires maintenance."

Anyone know what bird that is?

Your mama is so stupid. She fell off a bike and didn't know which way to fall!

Why did the cheese fail the test? It couldn't make the grade, curd.