Exes jokes

A man comes home, and the wife says, "My ex just died by getting hit by a bus." And the husband said, "I lost my job as a bus driver."

My ex is like AIDS! I can't get rid of him.

I was playing laser tag with my ex, but I (wink) didn't realize I had a real gun.

What’s the difference between my ex and a unicycle?

A unicycle can only take one person at a time.

Four men were asked if they could have something with their cousin for €500.

The first replied: "For 500€? Of course!"

The second said: "I'd do it for free!"

The third replied: "I would even give her 200€!"

The fourth replied: "With my ex? Never!"

I was walking down the street when I saw my ex-girlfriend, so I fucked her. Turns out it was her identical twins that she never told me about.

And I decided to confront her. So I did the next time I saw her, but this time it was her identical triplet. There are 3 of them...

AND SHE NEVER BROUGHT THAT UP IN THE 7 YEARS I WAS DATING HER!

My ex-wife still misses me, but her aim is getting better!

My ex-boyfriend's dick is so small that instead of giving him a handjob, I had to give him a thumb and forefinger job.

Today was the worst day ever. My ex got ran over by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.

Today was the worst day of my life. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.

What do you call someone who used to kill people? An ex-executioner.

What does an astronaut call his ex from space?

SpaceX.

Ex-Boyfriend: You have no ass, so we're through!

Me: Stop being a dickhead, dude!! It ain't gonna make your little sausage any bigger!

My last relationship ended because my ex-girlfriend accused me of being a rapist. I'm not upset. To be honest, I didn't like her anyway. She kept telling me I never listen, or something like that.

What are the similarities between the twin towers and my ex?

They both went down on my dad.

How am I an ableist? My ex-girlfriend was in a wheelchair, and we lived in the same old building with a broken elevator. I ended the relationship by moving to the 8th floor.

My ex died today.

I also lost my job as a butcher.

My ex-wife misses me, but her aim is getting better.

What's the difference between depression and your ex?

Depression f**ks you harder.

My ex died in an anchorage accident.

She always was a sleeping hooker.