Exes jokes

What did the snail say to his ex-wife?

"I'm still leaving you!"

I love breakups. My ex-girlfriends always end up in pieces.

So a girl says to her ex, "I can't get you out of my mind, the boyfriend I knew." The girl replies, "I see you in everything, like when I'm walking down the street, even at work, like trash cans are everywhere."

Girlfriend: You remind me of a cellphone.

Ex-Boyfriend: How and why?

Girlfriend: Because you're about to die!

Today my ex got hit by a bus.

I also lost my job as a bus driver.

I took my son to a driver's school and am surprised because he got his license but soon lost the privilege to drive a car because he ran over my ex on "accident."

(I gotta go pay him out of jail!)

What do you call an ex-lesbian?

A clitter quitter.

My ex-friends are depressed. Their names are Kaitlyn and Ava.

My ex-wife was smoking pot with Snow White, when the 7 dwarfs saw them they sang...

"Look at those high Ho's! Hiiiiiiii Hoooooo'sssss!!!!"

My ex.

So my ex invited me to dinner with her new boyfriend.

Her boyfriend said "Hi."

I said, "Knife to meet you!"

My ex's dad died while she was texting me. She said she had a boyfriend, but I told her I had a dad.

You ever look back at your ex and are like, "Wow! What was I thinking?"

Then I start to think I was the problem :(

Just kidding, fuck that asshole!

Random person: "What's one thing your ex gave you that you can't get rid of?"

Man: *Shows a picture of his child.*

My ex was an orphan as a child.

I should have taken that as the first sign.

If her parents didn’t want her, why would I?

My ex was so full of shit, she probably poured toilet cleaner in her nose to get relief.

What’s the difference between depression and your ex?

Depression fucks you harder.

I was just informed that my ex was stabbed yesterday. Let's just say I quit my job as a butcher.

Ex Of Johnnys: I have a question.

Johnny: What?

Ex Of Johnnys: Am I pretty?

Johnny: Yes ofc jesus made everybody wonderfully!

Ex: Awhh!

Johnny: But whoever made you was painting Thomas the Train while making your face.

I got hit by a bus.

But the bus was my ex.