What's the difference between depression and your ex? Depression f-cks you harder
I love breakups. My ex-girlfriends always end up in pieces.
So a girl says to her ex, "I can't get you out of my mind, the boyfriend I knew." The girl replies, "I see you in everything, like when I'm walking down the street, even at work, like trash cans are everywhere."
Girlfriend: you remind me of a cellphone
Ex Boyfriend: how and why?
Girlfriend: Because your about to die
Today my ex got hit by a bus
I also lost my job as a bus driver
I took my son to a driver's school and am surprised because he got his license but soon lost the privilege to drive a car because he ran over my ex on "accident."
(I gotta go pay him out of jail!)
What do you call an ex-lesbian?
A clitter quitter.
My ex-friends are depressed. Their names are Kaitlyn and Ava.
My ex-wife was smoking pot with Snow White, when the 7 dwarfs saw them they sang...
"Look at those high Ho's! Hiiiiiiii Hoooooo'sssss!!!!"
My ex.
So my ex invited me to dinner with her new boyfriend.
Her boyfriend said "Hi."
I said, "Knife to meet you!"
I was just informed that my ex was stabbed yesterday..lets just say i quit my job as a butcher
My ex was so full of shit, she probably poured toilet cleaner in her nose to get relief.
My ex was an orphan as a child.
I should have taken that as the first sign.
If her parents didn’t want her, why would I?
Random person: "What's one thing your ex gave you that you can't get rid of?"
Man: *Shows a picture of his child.*
You ever look back at your ex and are like, "Wow! What was I thinking?"
Then I start to think I was the problem :(
Just kidding, fuck that asshole!
My ex's dad died while she was texting me. She said she had a boyfriend, but I told her I had a dad.
What’s the difference between depression and your ex?
Depression fucks you harder.
I got hit by a bus.
But the bus was my ex.
Ex Of Johnnys: I have a question.
Johnny: What?
Ex Of Johnnys: Am I pretty?
Johnny: Yes ofc jesus made everybody wonderfully!
Ex: Awhh!
Johnny: But whoever made you was painting Thomas the Train while making your face.
