Exes jokes

What did the snail say to his ex-wife?

"I'm still leaving you!"

I love breakups. My ex-girlfriends always end up in pieces.

So a girl says to her ex, "I can't get you out of my mind, the boyfriend I knew." The girl replies, "I see you in everything, like when I'm walking down the street, even at work, like trash cans are everywhere."

Girlfriend: You remind me of a cellphone.

Ex-Boyfriend: How and why?

Girlfriend: Because you're about to die!

Today my ex got hit by a bus.

I also lost my job as a bus driver.

My ex-friends are depressed. Their names are Kaitlyn and Ava.

I took my son to a driver's school and am surprised because he got his license but soon lost the privilege to drive a car because he ran over my ex on "accident."

(I gotta go pay him out of jail!)

What do you call an ex-lesbian?

A clitter quitter.

My ex-wife was smoking pot with Snow White, when the 7 dwarfs saw them they sang...

"Look at those high Ho's! Hiiiiiiii Hoooooo'sssss!!!!"

My ex.

So my ex invited me to dinner with her new boyfriend.

Her boyfriend said "Hi."

I said, "Knife to meet you!"

My ex's dad died while she was texting me. She said she had a boyfriend, but I told her I had a dad.

You ever look back at your ex and are like, "Wow! What was I thinking?"

Then I start to think I was the problem :(

Just kidding, fuck that asshole!

Random person: "What's one thing your ex gave you that you can't get rid of?"

Man: *Shows a picture of his child.*

My ex was so full of shit, she probably poured toilet cleaner in her nose to get relief.

My ex was an orphan as a child.

I should have taken that as the first sign.

If her parents didn’t want her, why would I?

I was just informed that my ex was stabbed yesterday. Let's just say I quit my job as a butcher.

What’s the difference between depression and your ex?

Depression fucks you harder.

I got hit by a bus.

But the bus was my ex.

Ex Of Johnnys: I have a question.

Johnny: What?

Ex Of Johnnys: Am I pretty?

Johnny: Yes ofc jesus made everybody wonderfully!

Ex: Awhh!

Johnny: But whoever made you was painting Thomas the Train while making your face.