Exes jokes

My ex-girlfriend got hit by a bus. I also lost my bus driver's license.

Today was a bad day. First, my ex got hit by a bus. Then I lost my job as a bus driver.

What’s the difference between depression and your ex?

Depression fucks you harder.

My ex still misses me... But her aim is getting better every time!

I was walking down the street when I thought I smelled my ex's perfume. Turns out, I was standing in front of a fish market.

Whenever your ex says, "You'll never find someone like me," the answer to that is, "That's the point."

I lost my driver's license today. I hit my ex with my car.

Suicide is as easy as my ex-wife.

My ex keeps missing me. But her aim is steadily improving...

Today was the worst day of my life. My ex got hit by a school bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.

My ex was an orphan as a child.

I should have taken that as the first sign.

If her parents didn't want her, why would I?

What's the difference between depression and your ex?

Depression fucks you harder.

Ex: baby i miss u.

Me: sorry i can't talk, i'm at a funeral.

Ex: who died?!

Me: my feelings 4 u, bitch.

What do you call an ex eating Taco Bell?

Explosion.

I have an exam next week, so I called my ex and asked if she had any cheating tips.

Person 1: “Hey, today was great!”

Person 2: “What happened?”

Person 1: “I ran into my ex today.”

Person 2: “What’s so great about that?”

Person 1: “I was in my car.”

My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.

I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.

What do you call a group of transgender women? Ex-Men.

A guy goes into his attic to clean it out and finds an old oil lamp. He thinks he could sell it instead of throwing it away, so he starts to rub it and out pops this genie. The genie says to him, "Thank you for awakening me, I can grant you three wishes as a token of my gratitude." The guy wishes for a billion dollars, the genie grants it. The guy then asks for a huge mansion with 2 Lamborghinis and 2 Ferraris, the genie grants it.

The genie says, "This is your last wish so really make this one count." The guy says, "Well, I've always wanted to drive out to the Hawaiian islands, because airplanes scare me to death, so I would want a highway that could stretch from here all the way to the islands." The Genie says, "That is asking for quite a lot and I'm not sure if I can pull that off, is there anything else you'd want?" The guy says, "Well, I've been married and divorced three times, and I just can't understand what I've been doing wrong. I've given my ex-wives all the love and care that I could, but in the end it was never enough. I would want to have the ability to understand women." The genie thinks for a few moments and says, "Do you want a three or four lane highway?"

I was hunting at night for deer, and then I found one and shot it. I realized the deer I shot was actually my ex...