Exes jokes

"Hey, today was great."

"What happened?"

"I ran into my ex today."

"What's so great about that?"

"I was in my car."

What do the twin towers and my ex-girlfriend have in common? They both went down on my dad.

My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like.

Today was a terrible day. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.

I've been looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer for the past two years.

But no one would do it.

I hate family reunions.

I see too many of my ex's there.

I had a horrible nightmare yesterday. I was in a room filled with all of my ex's, so I was completely alone.

My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.

The last thing I told my ex after we broke up was, "At least we're still cousins!" 😂

I just found out my ex got stabbed today... let's just say I lost my job as a butcher.

My ex-wife still misses me...

BUT HER AIM IS GETTING BETTER!

Two friends are talking and one says, "I had a good day today, I ran into my ex." The other guy replies, "How is that good?" The friend says, "I was in my car."

What is the difference between a coconut and your ex?

One is fun to knock down by throwing rocks at, the other one is a coconut.

A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the house. He got the outside.

Today my EX got trampled by a bunch of horses, and sadly I lost my job as a horse trainer.

How is sex like air? It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.

My ex-boyfriend tried to scan himself at the supermarket checkout for fun.

“See how I can’t scan myself? It’s because I’m priceless.”

I decided I’d scan my wrist too, just for fun.

Found out I’m worth $3.97.

My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.

My Smoothie Ingredients: - Bananas - Strawberry - The Blood of my ex - Peanut Butter

My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers.

To be honest, I should have seen the signs.