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Hey guys! Wanna hear a joke?

-You guys- sure

Ok! -insert every game with a copy and paste/slender in the thumbnail-

So, every time I walk in the door, my kid shuts his laptop. So, I check his history. It was good, but my wife checked mine, and she didn't say the same. The words I heard were, "Get out!"

There was an American wrestler from Texas named John, who throughout his high school career had never lost a match. As he went on into college he continued undefeated. He became a national icon and symbol of American strength.

News began to circulate of a Russian wrestler who was fierce and unstoppable. As each wrestler's legends grew, a match was set up between the two, America versus Russia. The match would be held in Texas.

John began training immediately. Every day his coach would tell him, “This Russian has a move called the Mongolian Death Grip. No one has ever escaped the Mongolian Death Grip. DO NOT let him get you in the Mongolian Death Grip.”

The day of the match finally came. Just before each wrestler stepped onto the mat in front of the capacity crowd, the coach once again said, “Whatever you do, do not let him get you in the Mongolian death grip. No one has ever escaped the Mongolian death grip.”

Four seconds into the match, the Russian had the American in the Mongolian death grip. The coach buried his face into his hands and cursed John for not listening to his advice. All of the sudden he heard the crowd irrupt in a chant of USA USA USA. He looked up and saw the Russian pinned by John. The coach ran out to meet John and embarrassingly told him, “I didn’t see... Once he had you in the Mongolian Death Grip I looked away. How in the world did you get out of the Mongolian death grip?”

With heavy breath, John told him, “Well coach, that Russian grabbed me and twisted my body in ways I never imagined possible. I was wincing in pain when I open my eyes and right in front of me were two testicles. So I bit them.”

“What???” Said the coach... “John I don’t think that is legal. You could be disqualified.”

“I don’t know about that coach. But I can tell you one thing. You ain’t got no idea how strong you are until you bite your own balls.”

  • 8

    • A woman's husband has a yearly conference. The first night he's away from home, their teenage son Tommy comes into their room at night and starts to make love to her, but she knows that it can be dangerous to wake a sleepwalker, so she doesn't say anything. He does this every night for two weeks and stops when his father comes home.

    She realizes she's pregnant and has a baby boy.

    The next year the same thing happens, she gets pregnant again, and has a baby girl.

    The third year, she's feeling very guilty, and after thirteen nights of incredible passionate lovemaking she sits Tommy down and tells him, "Every time your father leaves town on business, you sleepwalk into my bedroom and make love to me. Bobby and Anna aren't just your brother and sister, you're their father!"

    Tommy said "You think I was sleepwalking?"

    My wife went to Niagara Falls and fell. She broke every bone in her body.

    One year later, she recovered. She slipped on an orange peel and died.

    Mr. Smith lived in an apartment. In the apartment, he went to the elevator and went to the 16th floor. Then he went to the 21st floor by 5 stairs every morning. Why did he do that?

    Because he was too short! So he pressed the highest button he could and walked to his apartment.

    There's a plane crash. Every single person died.

    Who lived? The married people!

    After every line, say “I’m a man.”

    I went to the club. (I’m a man)

    I met a girl. (I’m a man)

    I took her to the bar. (I’m a man)

    We got some drinks. (I’m a man)

    I took her home. (I’m a man)

    We got in bed. (I’m a man)

    She whispered in my ear... (I’m a man)

    Alya, I need to talk to you now. If you don't reply, I will kermit the not living, and if you don't think I will, I will post your OnlyFans photos I get every month for $5.99 a week (high price if you ask me)!

    Hi there! My name is Michael Grover, and I am an explorer. Ever since I’ve been little, I’ve loved searching for new things. As a baby, my parents kept finding me in nooks and crannies around the house. “On the search,” as they would say.

    By the age of 5, I had been to every continent on the planet, barring Antarctica. For my 12th birthday, my parents got me diving lessons, and by the time I was 13, I could scuba dive to a depth of 40 meters, as well as go cave diving.

    I got a pilot’s license by the age of 17, and I learned to sail just before my 18th birthday. Instead of going to university, I decided to travel around South America, exploring its rich jungles and beautiful landscapes.

    During my trip, I met my now wife who was also an explorer. For our honeymoon, we sailed around the Caribbean, and we discovered 3 new islands which we named after the cats that I had growing up.

    Over the course of my life, I have come across great treasures and wondrous experiences. But in all my life, and in all my travels, I’m afraid I have never come across a single person who cared about what you just said.

  • 4

    • What's the difference between an emo kid and a pack of Oreos? The bar code on the emo kid gets longer every day.

  • 5

    • Q) Why did the uncle sleep with his own nephew?

    A) Cuz the boy wouldn't stop talking about Donald Trump every single weekend.

    Small word of advice: Don't wait till next month or next year to do stuff with the people you love, because they may be gone by then. You don't realize, but every second there is someone who dies, and it just could be your loved one.

    What is the state of California best for? Screwing everything up!

    What is the state of Florida for? Rednecks for days!

    What is the state of Texas for? Guns!

    What is the state of Utah for? Mormons and Pligs baby! (I hate all of the religious stuff!)

    What is the state of Idaho for? Calling other people Ho's, mostly!

    What is the state of Nevada for? Ever heard of gambling?

    What is the state of Delaware for? Literally anything that isn't exciting!

    What is the state of New York for? In my state of mind, it's a song! (If you don't get this one, look up the song of New York State of Mind)

    As an American, I like cars. And like all car enthusiasts, even just a little scratch can ruin a brand new car.

    So why is it that we go to different countries like India and see that almost every car is completely totaled? I guess we have different meanings of "it's just a scratch."