A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you."
I just watched a documentary about beavers.
It was the best dam show I ever saw!
Ching chong kading dong.
(My best words ever used).
Ever wondered how Jesus got rid of the cross that killed him?
Burned it in a hellish fire to make some firewood.
Ever had that feeling that suicidal people are a big contributor to the razor blade industry?
Well, they aren't.
Why?
They aren't repeated customers.
@everyone.. what's so funny is that JIT thinks he's so "cool" and that everyone is "amazed" about him hating on people who is wayyy above him on the roster.
The pathetic part is that he hates on everyone else's family and relationships when 100% of us have a WAYY better one than he will ever deserve. He was born pathetic, and will die pathetic. So JIT, please tell me what it's like to be such a coward?
My dad died in 9/11.
He was the best pilot I ever knew.
Chuck Norris can kick an apple from an orange tree and make the best lemonade you've ever had.
It’s like Sonic always says, “If you’re ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?”
Do you ever look at a person and think, "Just how many generations of inbreeding did it take to create you?"
Doctor: I’m sorry, I can’t see you today.
Orphan: Oh, how about tomorrow?
Doctor: No, I can’t ever see you.
Orphan: Why?
Doctor: Because I’m a family physician.
What’s the worst joke ever? Your parents’ relationship.
Why did the Puerto Rican American 🇺🇸 🇵🇷 that was a gay male 🇺🇸 🇵🇷 that was born physically challenged not say anything to a group of gay white men that were not physically challenged after they called him a size queen after the Puerto Rican American 🇺🇸 🇵🇷 that was born physically challenged was done taking turns giving them a blowjob and was done taking turns swallowing their sweet cum? 🇺🇸 🇵🇷
Because it was the best meal that he ever had since he has been in prison for 30 years. 🇺🇸 🇵🇷
If your controller ever dies, remember those people that died on the submersible.
Ever tried looking in a mirror lately? I wouldn't, your crooked hairline might break it.
My boss doctor said that we are getting a surgeon coming in tomorrow. I'm super excited to work with him. The next day, we had to do our first-ever open heart surgery, so me and the surgeon spent many hours on this patient. We finished the surgery and went outside for a smoke, and we were talking. I said, "Why did you keep the patient's blood on your glove?"
He replied, "We in my free time I test it for anything diseases, HIV." The next day, I got invited to his house, and we had some drinks. I said, "This is amazing red tea. What is in it?" Just the 2000 people you have cut open.
Call of Duty kill cam be like.
This is the best kill streak ever!
If you ever thought you were gay, remember that cockroaches exist.
How did people bully Helen Keller? They said, "Wow, that was the coolest thing ever! You really should have seen it!"
Why can't an orphan ever be a criminal?
Because he isn't wanted.
