Evers jokes
Have you ever walked past Stephen Hawking's house?
No, well neither has he.
Two emos are dating, and the most romantic thing they have ever done is slit each other's wrists.
Q: Why can't orphans ever win at Yahtzee?
A: Because they can never seem to get a full house.
I said to my girlfriend nothing can ever make you look ugly...
Because you already look ugly.
If you are ever mad, punch an orphan.
What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
You ever had sex with a woman that is so fat, it counted as a threesome?
Two pirates, Morty and Sol, meet in a bar. Sol has a patch over one eye, a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. “Ye gads, matey,” says Morty. “What happened to ya?” Sol says, “Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.”
“And yer hand?” asks Marty.
“When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. So now I got me a hook.”
“OK, but what’s with the eye patch?”
“I was standin’ on a dock, and the biggest seagull I ever saw poops right in me eye.”
“But ya don’t go blind from no seagull poop.”
“True,” says Sol. “But it was me first day with the hook.”
A book went to the doctor’s office and said: “Doctor, doctor, I’ve got thesaurus throat ever.”
Why can't orphans ever be criminals?
He is not wanted.
If you're ever bored, rape an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
I'm having lunch on the roof of the Twin Towers, and the biggest plane I've ever seen is flying toward...
Today was the worst day ever. My ex got ran over by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!”
The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
(Girl) Do you ever blink?
(Doll) (No reply).
(Girl) You look like a mannequin!
(Doll) (No reply).
Russia vs. Ukraine is the ultimate CS:GO match ever!
Ya ever think about the twin towers plan?
Me neither. It all came crashing down.
I was on a website doing homework, and there was this funny a** commercial banner saying: "Eat a bag of Dick's!" It was the funniest sh*t ever!
Do you ever consider during the cremation that the meat is well done?
A bus full of nuns falls off a cliff and they all die. They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them, “Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all through the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question.”
St. Peter turns to the first nun in the line and asks her, “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” The Sister responds, “Well... there was this one time... that I kinda sorta... touched one with the tip of my pinky finger...” St. Peter says, “Alright Sister, now dip the tip of your pinky finger in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted.” and she did so.
St. Peter now turns to the second nun and says, “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” “Well.... There was this one time... that I held one for a moment...” “Alright Sister, now just wash your hands in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted” and she does so.
Now at this, there is a noise, a jostling in the line. It seems that one nun is trying to cut in front of another! St. Peter sees this and asks the Nun, “Sister Susan, what is this? There is no rush!” Sister Susan responds, “Well if I’m going to have to gargle this stuff, I’d rather do it before Sister Mary sticks her ass in it!”