My grandfather said I was too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
I don't understand why people get offended by incest jokes; they're so family friendly.
Why can't religious women be raped? Because they are taught to never say no!
Bill Cosby on rape: "But, I heard, 'my body, my choice.'"
Age is just a number,
Jail is just a room.
Ring ring.
Abortion clinic!
Where no fetus can beat us.
What’s the difference between 911 and an abortion?
With 911 there was a victim to tell the tale.
The doctor says, "Your wife is pregnant." The man says that he used a condom and the doctor says, "Yeah, but I didn't."
I saw a guy raping a girl in the park, so I decided to help. She didn't stand a chance against the two of us.
If abortion is murder, is jerking off genocide?
If you were driving when all of a sudden a young kid and an old man run right in front of you, what do you hit?
The brakes, you sick bastard.
how to solve world hunger and over population?
Cannibalism.
Whenever I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.
There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, and it can be quite annoying, making it hard for the patients to sleep, so I unplug them.
What do Logan Paul, KSI, and the Japanese suicide victim have in common?
Tying.
Is it bad to hit an orphan?
It's not like they'll tell their parents.
Go drop-kick an orphan. No one will know, not like his parents would know.
Sketchy dude: If you push this button you get 100 million dollars but 100 million people would die.
Me: If I push it more than once do I get more money?
Sketchy dude: Yes, but more people die.
Me: *rapidly pushes button* This is how you solve world hunger.
Sketchy dude: ... wtf, you're insane.
Me: ...
Daughter: "Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion?" Father: "Ask your sister." Daughter: "I don't have a..."
I can't decide which side to take on abortion; on one hand it kills babies and on the other it gives women a choice...
Abortion is a really touchy subject for me. On one hand, there's dead babies! But on the other hand, women get a choice.
