Every time I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.
There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, so I unplug them.
What's the difference between drugs and children? I don't sell drugs.
My grandpa said, "You kids rely on too much electronics." I said, well we will see about that. *unplugging life support* me: *oops*
If you’re ever bored, then go outside and punch an orphan. Who are they going to tell, their parents?
Sodomising a physically challenged homophobic heterosexual white male is better than the smallest act of kindness.
Whenever I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.
There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, and it can be quite annoying, making it hard for the patients to sleep, so I unplug them.
They told me throwing babies was bad, but guess what I did yesterday? I threw my baby cousin down the escalator.
I hope Stephen Hawking's an organ donor because I need new parts for my go-cart.
So if you are bored, punch an orphan.
What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?🙄🙄
A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to do suicide, and the librarian said, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."
When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead, I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.
I hate double standards. If you burn a body at a crematorium, you're doing a good job. If you burn a body at home, you're destroying evidence.
If you’re having a bad day, just punch an orphan.
Who are they going to tell? Their parents?
Violence is never the answer:
It's the solution.
What do you call a short black person?
By their name, you racist!
Raping white women should be encouraged everywhere!
A man and a cow are stuck on train tracks, and there is a train in the distance about to hit both of them. A vegan sees this and tries to help. Who does he save, the man or the cow?
Neither. He isn't strong enough to lift either of them.
Why shouldn’t you pick on a midget with learning difficulties?
... Because it’s not big and it’s not clever.
Stop saying negative shit about dark humor jokes! If it bugs you that bad, then go away! That'll solve everything but world hunger and failed abortion.
What do priests and McDonald's have in common? They both shove their meat between 10-year-old buns.
