Environment jokes

Earth is full. Go home!

What’s the difference between Micheal Jackson and a grocery bag?

One is plastic and dangerous for children to play with, the other is used for carrying groceries.

Wanna hear a dry joke? A desert.

In 2013, it was reported that China has lost around 28,000 rivers; over half of what they thought existed. Some say climate change is the cause, others say it’s their harsh, economic expansion that’s unapologetic to the environment.

My theory is that those 28,000 rivers were sold to underground river-sex trafficking.

What’s worse than Sally in one trash can?

Sally in 13 trash cans.

What do you call a dolphin in the woods? Dead.

What is the difference between Black people and coal?

It’s bad for the environment to burn coal.

What's the most illegal activity in Africa?

Watering the plants.

Q: What did people say when Kim Kardashian was at the beach?

A: Stop littering!

What is the difference between white people and coal?

It’s bad for the environment to burn coal.

Who were the greenest Presidents in US history? The Bushes.

How is there evidence of climate change?

The liberal snowflakes are drastically melting down!

I don't have a carbon footprint; I just drive everywhere.

Look - it's the lake of whiz!!!

An optimist says, "The glass is half full."

A pessimist says, "The glass is half empty."

A scientist walks by and says, "You guys are both wrong. The glass is technically completely full because it is half filled with air."

Then Africa comes by and says, "Stop arguing. At least you guys have water!"

There was an oil spill in the ocean. Now the ocean can't see!

There was once a grandfather. He had very little hair, and he lived in a forest.

On his death bed, he was fully bald. So he told his children, "You see my head? I have no hair. All of my hair has been wiped, and I hope this forest doesn't experience the same. Children, every time a tree is cut in this forest, plant a new one in its place."

So for years, and to this day, that forest still stands, each tree being replanted. All because of an old man and his re-seeding hairline.

When it comes to recycling toilet paper, you really need to process the crap out of it.

Three men were in a desert. One man was holding a jug, the 2nd was holding a paper bag, and the last was holding a car door. A man came around and asked the 1st why he had a jug. He said it was his water and if he got thirsty, he would take a drink.

Then he asked the second why do you have a paper bag? The guy said this is my packed lunch, so if I get hungry, I will eat my lunch.

Then he asked the last man why he has a car door and he said if he got hot he would roll down the window.

Vegans: Save the Earth.

Normal People: We're trying to, but you guys keep eating it!