Me: Can I borrow your CD?
Friend: What CD?
Me: See deez nuts in your mouth.
Me: Jaiden telling orphan jokes to my friend.
That orphan behind me...
I was watching Avengers and I thought I saw a grape, but it was just Thanos.
I was about to go to sleep, but then I remembered my idol has 0 G/A, and it's mid-November. Thanks, Pessi, for ruining my sleep! 🤬
I was excited to finally watch the new documentary on Netflix. It was about Pessi’s UberEats career.
In the trailer, Pessi delivered food to French farmers. I watched the documentary and got shocked when I found out how finished Pessi is. He delivered one Pizza in 44 attempts.
Someone fucked a member of BTS.
My joke is so diam funny, or so damn funny.
What's the difference between Fortnite and PUBG?
I don't know.
Watched a really cool cartoon about rabbits with Down syndrome yesterday. You should try watching it on catch up... "Watership Down."
I talk about the girls in my math class simping over anime characters and making random ships as well as for Miraculous Ladybug children's show, whatever the show is called, but it's a kids show. 💀 Now they’re searching up pictures of Tom Holland laughing in their absolute weirdness.
I like Tom Holland, but these kids man, they like him like they’re in a relationship. They might as well start kissing and licking the screen. They’re probably writing fanfictions in their free time when they aren’t searching up kids show characters, anime characters, and Tom Holland pics on their SCHOOL CHROMEBOOK. Their only device choice was a school-provided laptop which is monitored by the school while they are writing fan fictions on Google Docs and searching up some weird Tom Holland stuff. Imagine how Tom Holland would feel if he found out that there are 11 year old girls searching up some weird stuff about him.
When you're in the war and you die and say to God, "Where is the gulag?"
Did you hear that Ted Nugent had a beer thrown at him at one of his shows?
Answer: He was okay. It was a draft, so he dodged it easily!
Yo ass so fat that you can't see your toes.
When you go to the movies, you take up seven rows.
Why did the person get fired from the calendar factory?
Because they took a day off.
"Brian, can I see that paper for a sec?"
OnlyFans, but it’s me smacking your baby daddies with Twisted Tea.
Only Cans.
Why did the orphan get arrested for identity theft?
He dressed up as Batman for Halloween.
Man, that's funny!
People go to places to see Harry Potter live, but you can just go to the abortion place and see something disappear.
I was playing Fortnite with a kid, then I heard their emo sister in the background, and it sounded like they were playing Fortnite, too, with the pistol shot and all.
