Entertainment jokes
This gay guy was so happy with his new boyfriend that he took him to his favorite gay bar.
An hour or so goes by, then the new flame says, "I just LOVE this place, everyone is so nice, food is great, but what's up with the monkey way down there?"
His friend says "OK, watch this." He goes up behind the chimp and smacked him in back of its head. The monkey jumped off the stool, pulls down his zipper, and gives him head. When finished, the chimp took a napkin, cleaned himself, pulled up his zipper, then jumped back to his chair.
He walked back to his new gay friend and said, "What do you think of that?"
"MAN, I seen some amazing things, but never like that!" His squeeze said, "Wanna give it a try?"
"I sure do, JUST DON'T hit me as hard as you hit that monkey."
I was excited to finally watch the new documentary on Netflix. It was about Pessi’s UberEats career.
In the trailer, Pessi delivered food to French farmers. I watched the documentary and got shocked when I found out how finished Pessi is. He delivered one Pizza in 44 attempts.
You know the song "Getting Drunk on a Plane"? It was written by the pilot of the Lingard Skinner pilot.
What do you call a rapper who can't rhyme?
A rapscallion without the rap.
Gen Z is most likely going to be the last generation who felt the pain of getting up early to catch their favorite show.
W collab???
Why did the rapper bring a dictionary to the rap battle?
For WORDPLAY!
No matter how hard I try, I will never be a stand-up comedian.
What does a nosey paper do?
It gets "Jalapeño" your face!
What kind of paper likes music? Wrapping paper.
Why was the rapper bad at fishing?
Because he always threw back the lines!
What touches kids and is made out of plastic?
Michael Jackson, hee hee!
I was raped by mimes once. They did unspeakable things to me.
Why do orphans like Spider-Man?
'Cause they really enjoy Far From Home and No Way Home. Damn, was he mad about Spider-Man Homecoming!
What's the difference between a midget and a tall person? Only one of them can ride the rides.
Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?
Because he was sans and too lazy to get his butt off the couch.
"G.I. Jane 2, can't wait to see it!"
They are making new versions of the Star Wars films. The names have only just come out.
There is Star Wars: Attack of the Trannies, Star Wars: The Trannie Awakens, Star Wars: Rogue Trannie, Star Wars: The LGBTQ Strikes Back, and then there is Star Wars: The Last Straight Man.
Who is Santa's favorite singer?
Elf-is Presley.
I fucked a chick named Macy, but she had dyslexia. So I ended up doing the YMCA.
I was at my drumming lesson and I accidentally dropped my drum stick when my sister made a terrible joke.
KA-DOOM-CHA!