Employment jokes

I can't believe I got fired at the calendar factory. I mean... all I did was take a day off!

Today was a really bad day. My mother-in-law was hit by a cab AND I lost my job as a cab driver!

Today was the worst day of my life. My ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.

I saw a kid crying. I asked him what's wrong, where are your parents? They paused and looked at me funny... GOD I LOVE WORKING AT AN ORPHANAGE.

Why did the female dicktator get fired? She had too much dick!

Today was the worst day ever. My ex got ran over by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.

What do you call a rapper who works at the BANK?

Lil Teller.

I saw this kid sitting on the sidewalk and asked him where are his parents?

I love working at an orphanage.

My aunt worked as a human cannonball.

I'm not sure if she was good at it until she got fired.

I shouted at a kid. I told him to get his parents.

It was the last time I worked at an orphanage, 🤣.

Why did the dwarf work at Tesco?

Because every little bit helps!

Why did the Invisible Man turn down a job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.

Yo mama is so ugly, she walked in a haunted house and walked out with a job application.

Where do mermaids get a job?

At the kelp wanted station.

A guy asked me what I do for a living.

Now I'm not old enough to get a job, so I said nothing. He asked me again, so I said, "Your wife!" The guy goes to slap me, but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"

My dad may be working, but the coping mechanisms sure aren't!

I went for a job interview today, and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."

"Well, I'm your man," I replied. "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible!"

Why can't orphans work at SC Johnson?...

Because it's a FAMILY company.

Why can't orphans work at SC Johnson?

Because it's a family company.

Why did the dwarf get a job at Lidl?

Because every Lidl helps.