Employment jokes

We hired this boy to pick up dog poop. We just remembered that we don't have a dog.

Why did the girl quit her job at the donut factory?

She was fed up with the hole business.

So, this woman had a job. She wanted to hang out with her boyfriend, so she lied about having the coronavirus. Then she got out of work. Then she was texting her boss when she thought she was texting her boyfriend. Then she said, "I lied. Now we can...you know...water...sigh...lick...sigh." Then her boss texted, "Ew and YOU'RE FIRED."

One more story: One day this teen named Alexis got kicked out of a house, then went to live with her boyfriend. Then she got pregnant and posted it all on social media.

Hi, I got fired. Oh, don't know which fire? Oh, the one that I got burned on, the volcano.

A man walked into a shop and asked the shop keeper for a potato clock.

The shop keeper said, "I don't know what a potato clock is."

The man said, "Me neither, but I'm starting a new job and my boss told me work starts at 9, so I'd have to get a potato clock."

I arrived at work and saw a kid crying. I walked up to the kid and asked, "Hey, where are your parents?" and the kid just cried more. God, I love working at an orphanage.

Boss: You're fired.

Me: *pauses porn* Why?

What person can't work at a family business? An orphan.

I made a bunch of jokes about unemployed people. Sadly, all of them don't work.

I got a job at the can factory, but it is soda-pressing.

I got my job at a bank and lost the job the day I got it. A lady asked me to check her balance... so I pushed her!

Did you hear the one about the Polish elevator operator? He was fired because he couldn't learn the route.

I got a job at a library once. I got fired like an hour in because the library manager said that the cookbooks didn’t go into the women’s sports section.

I got hired to work as a camp counselor for kids with ADHD, but I got fired. I guess I shouldn't have introduced myself with "Welcome to concentration camp".

I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance on the cliff, so I pushed her over because I lost my balance!

Why did Stephen Hawking get sacked from his job?

Because he was always rolling in late.

Hi, my name is Meer Adnan Hussain. I am a Muslim. I live in Karachi, an area of Pakistan. I want this job. I am interested in this work. Please take me in this work. Your porn star, Meer Adnan Hussain. Wait for your email. Okay.

Wood-fired pizza.

How would pizza get a job now?

What’s the difference between a job and a wife?

The job keeps sucking after 5 years.

Job Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in the next five years?

Me: I'd say my biggest weakness is listening.