Employment Jokes

Why did the Invisible Man turn down a job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.

A guy asked me what I do for a living.

Now I'm not old enough to get a job, so I said nothing. He asked me again, so I said, "Your wife!" The guy goes to slap me, but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"

My dad may be working, but the coping mechanisms sure aren't!

Why cant orphans work at SC Johnson?

Cuz its a family company

Wood-fired pizza.

How would pizza get a job now?

The image shows a job posting with the title 'Head Receiver'. Below it states 'Typically responds within 4', followed by a salary of '$18-$25 an hour', and an 'Easily apply' button.

My girlfriend got ran over by a bus. I lost my job as a bus driver.

What’s the difference between a job and a wife?

The job keeps sucking after 5 years.

Why did the dwarf get a job at Lidl?

Because every Lidl helps.

I lost my job by giving up my seat to someone.

I didn't know you're not supposed to do that if you're a bus driver!

A man goes into a job interview and sits down. The interviewer is looking over his resume and says, "I see here that there's a 4-year gap on your resume. What were you doing?" The man says, "Oh, that was when I went to Yale!" The interviewer is impressed and says, "That's great! You're hired!" The man smiles. "Really? I'm so glad, because I really need this Yob."

Being a man that is poor really isn't that bad as long as you are involved in the world's oldest profession and you are well-endowed and you are not homophobic and as long as you can suck the chrome off a tailpipe then you have nothing to worry about if you are desperate enough to pay your bills.

Lack of money is the root of all evil. 😊

I saw a kid crying today and asked them where are your parents............. God I love working at a Orphanage

I want a job cleaning mirrors. I could really see myself doing it!

The teacher once said to some students, "I was an orphan before your principal hired me."

The students said, "Oof, that is sad."

The teacher tried to ignore them and take attendance. She said, "Is anyone missing?"

The students said, "Your parents."

The teacher got offended and later that day quit her job.

I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off!

[god creating sharks] god: ok give them 3 rows of teeth. Angel: seems excessive but ok. God: and make them mean as hell. Angel: wtf y. God: BECAUSSE I SAID SO. Angel:.... god: and make one of the types have a hammer for a head angel: why do I still work for you? God: because I’m the only employer as of right now.