Employment jokes
A gay man enters a bar. At the counter, he sees a skinhead sitting, which he somehow finds cute. He gathers all his courage, goes to the skinhead and whispers to him, "Do you want a blowjob?"
The skinhead punches the gay man in the face with his fist, causing him to go down. Then he drags him outside into the parking lot and kicks him again with his boots before going back inside and sitting down at the counter.
"Man," says the bartender, "but you beat him up quite a bit! What did the man even say to you that you were so freaked out?"
"I don't know," replies the skinhead, "something about a job..."
You're so ugly that when you came out of the haunted house, you had a job offer.
She said you can twerk, so I put her in a tractor and put her to work. She got mad at me and said, "There's no good men," but I gave her a kob and equal pay!
My local pet store sells prong collars to get dogs to behave.
But when I tried them on an Alzheimer's patient, I got fired from the nursing home.
[God creating sharks]
God: Ok give them 3 rows of teeth.
Angel: Seems excessive but ok.
God: And make them mean as hell.
Angel: WTF y.
God: BECAUSSE I SAID SO.
Angel:...
God: And make one of the types have a hammer for a head.
Angel: Why do I still work for you?
God: Because I’m the only employer as of right now.
My sister lost two things today:
1: Her virginity.
2: Her job at the zoo.
I used to work at a bank, then I lost interest.
I saw a kid crying today and asked them, "Where are your parents?"
God, I love working at an orphanage!
Employer: Can you perform under pressure?
Me: No, but I do a pretty good "Bohemian Rhapsody."
I got fired from the library in the first 30 minutes because I "womens rights" in the sci-fi fiction section.
Jobs,
50 shapes head.
Why did Stephen Hawking get sacked from his job?
Because he was always rolling in late.
Why did the Invisible Man turn down a job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.
Today was the worst day of my life. My ex got hit by a school bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
Why was the gay boy fired from the sperm bank?
He was caught embezzling.
I just got a job at the prison library.
It has its prose and cons.
The worst part about working for the department of unemployment is when you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.
Why did the dwarf get a job at Lidl?
Because every Lidl helps.
A black dude shows up to a job interview for a watermelon farmhand gig, resume full of fried chicken joint experience. The boss asks, "Why should I hire you?" He stutters, "Uh, I got skills in... uh..." Before he can finish, a hulk-like, veiny, muscular, giant transgender man storms in, straps him to the interview desk with velvet cuffs, drips hot wax on his back from a candle shaped like a massive dick, and rams his ass relentlessly while whispering, "Welcome to the team, bitch. Your probation starts now."
My ex got hit by a bus yesterday. I nearly lost my job.