Employment jokes
What's the best part of working at an abortion clinic?
Free dog food.
What person can't work at a family business? An orphan.
Job Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in the next five years?
Me: I'd say my biggest weakness is listening.
Did you hear about the guy who got fired for having sex with his clients?
He was a great veterinarian.
What's the difference between your job and a dead hooker?
Your job still sucks.
Today was a bad day. First, my ex got hit by a bus. Then I lost my job as a bus driver.
Boss: You're fired.
Me: *pauses porn* Why?
Why can't orphans work at McDonald's? Because they call their employees family.
I have some jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.
What type of work can orphans do? Homework.
I had sex with my boss's daughter.
I didn't get fired. I'm self-employed.
I got fired from the library. What did I do? I only put a book on women's rights in the fiction section.
A fully grown bull Great White Shark is 15 feet long and can open its jaws up to 1.2 meters long. It could eat a small child in seconds. Anyways, I lost my job at the aquarium...
Today was the worst day of my life. My ex got hit by a school bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
I’ll make a joke about homeless people, but they just don’t work.
I saw an orphan crying the other day, so I asked, "Where are your parents?"
God, I love working at an orphanage :)
John: Hi, boss, it is raining heavily today, so I will not be coming.
Boss: You stated in your job application that swimming was your hobby, so see you at 11 AM.
I arrived at work and saw a kid crying. I walked up to the kid and asked, "Hey, where are your parents?" and the kid just cried more. God, I love working at an orphanage.
Something you can say at a job interview and during sex:
"I’m here for the new position?"
I got a job at a library once. I got fired like an hour in because the library manager said that the cookbooks didn’t go into the women’s sports section.