Employment jokes
Why did the homophobic boy get fired from the banana factory?
He kept throwing away the bent ones!
Do you know how I lost my music teacher job?
I tried to hit G by putting D.
Why can't orphans work at S. C. Johnson?
Because it's a family company.
I went to an interview and my future boss said, "Hi, my name is Watt Niseto, meet you."
Then said, "WHAT IS UR NAME?" He then said,
"What is not my name, Watt is." So I replied, "Ugh fine, I guess I'll call you Wha." Then he said, "Wha I not my name."
And then I said, "Ugh fine, my name is Will Knott." He then replied, "Hi Will Not."
I lost my job at the bank today. A lady told me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
A gay man enters a bar. At the counter, he sees a skinhead sitting, which he somehow finds cute. He gathers all his courage, goes to the skinhead and whispers to him, "Do you want a blowjob?"
The skinhead punches the gay man in the face with his fist, causing him to go down. Then he drags him outside into the parking lot and kicks him again with his boots before going back inside and sitting down at the counter.
"Man," says the bartender, "but you beat him up quite a bit! What did the man even say to you that you were so freaked out?"
"I don't know," replies the skinhead, "something about a job..."
How does a pimp answer when asked why he chose his occupation?
Answer: He wanted a stable source of income.
My sister lost two things today:
1: Her virginity.
2: Her job at the zoo.
What’s worse than getting a job at McDonald’s?
Not getting the job at McDonald’s.
My dad may be working, but the coping mechanisms sure aren't!
How to get 60 Translink workers? Please head out of the pool because ya'll are fat. Oh wait, didn't you poop yourself? Say sorry to your underwear while pooping as a fat Canadian Translink worker, little boy.
Why did Stephen Hawking get sacked from his job?
Because he was always rolling in late.
Kid: Hi.
Janitor: Wtf you want, kid?
Kid: Why are you rude?
Janitor: 'Cause I have a shitty job.
Why would a man spend his whole career at a barn?
Because it's stable.
How can a gay man that is unemployed be productive in the workplace?
Give a blowjob to other gay men in the workplace for money.
I went for a job interview today, and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."
"Well, I'm your man," I replied. "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible!"
The teacher once said to some students, "I was an orphan before your principal hired me."
The students said, "Oof, that is sad."
The teacher tried to ignore them and take attendance. She said, "Is anyone missing?"
The students said, "Your parents."
The teacher got offended and later that day quit her job.
Jobs,
50 shapes head.
My ex got hit by a bus yesterday. I nearly lost my job.
Employer: Can you perform under pressure?
Me: No, but I do a pretty good "Bohemian Rhapsody."