Employment jokes
Yo mama so ugly, when she entered the scare factory, she came out with a job application.
I have said a ton of jokes in my lifetime.
But I got fired from that job.
What do you call a Mexican without a lawnmower?
Unemployed.
Why did the man get fired from work? Because he took two days off in February.
What's another place orphans can't work at besides SC Johnson?
The Home Depot.
Tim and Tom were at work. Tim said, "I'm sick of this. I'm going to act like an idiot to get sent home." So Tim was on the roof saying, "I am a light bulb!" The boss walked in and said, "Tim, go home, you're acting like a dick!" Then Tom started packing up and Tim said, "Tom, why are you packing up?" Tom says, "I can't work in the fucking dark, can I?"
A guy sees a kid crying, and the guy walks up to the kid and asks, "Where are your parents?"
God, I love working at an orphanage!
I worked at a calendar factory, but I got the sack for taking a few days off!
I lost my job making storage units for the police after a week. I guess you could say it was a brief case.
I lost my job at a research facility. The people were too chill for me.
Yo mama is so ugly, she walked in a haunted house and walked out with a job application.
There was a house with a three-story building.
The first one had Mexicans.
The second one had Africans.
The third one had white people.
An earthquake came.
But who did survive?
The white family because they were at work.
I quit my job at the bank today. I lost interest.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to his job at KFC!
Q: Why do orphans work at Olive Garden?
A: Because when you're there, you're family.
I lost my job at the bank. Some lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her.
UGHHHHHHH TODAY WAS TERRIBLE! My wife got hit by a bus!!! And I lost my job as a bus driver!
If wishes were horses, Beggars would ride.
If turnips were watches, I would wear one by my side.
And if if's and an's were pots and pans, The tinker would never work!
Man: I'm here for the job interview.
Employer: Oh good, good. Sit down. We don't get many people for the interviews.
Man: Just anywhere?
Employer: Yeah, make yourself comfortable. Jackson, right?
Man: Yeah, that's me.
(Shakes hands and sits back down)
Employer: So what makes you eligible for the job, Jackson?
Man: Well, I'm really good at capturing the perfect shot and angle. It really takes dedication to do this type of job. Concentration and willpower, sir.
Employer: I like you already, you're hired!
Man: Wow, thanks, sir. I know I won't do you wrong. I'll work hard for this job!
Employer: You start now! Your first person is a man named John F Kennedy.
Man: What? You want me to just take pictures of him during the parade?
Employer: No.
Man: This... This is a photography job, right?
Employer: No... this is a job employment for man hunting.
I lost my job by giving up my seat to someone.
I didn't know you're not supposed to do that if you're a bus driver!