Employment jokes

What's the best part of working at an abortion clinic?

Free dog food.

What person can't work at a family business? An orphan.

Job Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in the next five years?

Me: I'd say my biggest weakness is listening.

Did you hear about the guy who got fired for having sex with his clients?

He was a great veterinarian.

What's the difference between your job and a dead hooker?

Your job still sucks.

Today was a bad day. First, my ex got hit by a bus. Then I lost my job as a bus driver.

Boss: You're fired.

Me: *pauses porn* Why?

Why can't orphans work at McDonald's? Because they call their employees family.

I have some jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.

What type of work can orphans do? Homework.

I got fired from the library. What did I do? I only put a book on women's rights in the fiction section.

I had sex with my boss's daughter.

I didn't get fired. I'm self-employed.

A fully grown bull Great White Shark is 15 feet long and can open its jaws up to 1.2 meters long. It could eat a small child in seconds. Anyways, I lost my job at the aquarium...

I’ll make a joke about homeless people, but they just don’t work.

Today was the worst day of my life. My ex got hit by a school bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.

I saw an orphan crying the other day, so I asked, "Where are your parents?"

God, I love working at an orphanage :)

John: Hi, boss, it is raining heavily today, so I will not be coming.

Boss: You stated in your job application that swimming was your hobby, so see you at 11 AM.

I arrived at work and saw a kid crying. I walked up to the kid and asked, "Hey, where are your parents?" and the kid just cried more. God, I love working at an orphanage.

Something you can say at a job interview and during sex:

"I’m here for the new position?"

Why do midgets work at Tesco?

Because every little helps.