Employment jokes

What's the best part of working at an abortion clinic?

Free dog food.

Job Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in the next five years?

Me: I'd say my biggest weakness is listening.

Did you hear about the guy who got fired for having sex with his clients?

He was a great veterinarian.

Something you can say at a job interview and during sex:

"I’m here for the new position?"

What person can't work at a family business? An orphan.

What's the difference between your job and a dead hooker?

Your job still sucks.

Today was a bad day. First, my ex got hit by a bus. Then I lost my job as a bus driver.

I have some jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.

Why can't orphans work at McDonald's? Because they call their employees family.

What type of work can orphans do? Homework.

Boss: You're fired.

Me: *pauses porn* Why?

I got fired from the library. What did I do? I only put a book on women's rights in the fiction section.

I had sex with my boss's daughter.

I didn't get fired. I'm self-employed.

Today was the worst day of my life. My ex got hit by a school bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.

Got a job at the library yesterday... It lasted fifteen minutes... Turns out books about women's rights don't belong in the fiction section.

A fully grown bull Great White Shark is 15 feet long and can open its jaws up to 1.2 meters long. It could eat a small child in seconds. Anyways, I lost my job at the aquarium...

John: Hi, boss, it is raining heavily today, so I will not be coming.

Boss: You stated in your job application that swimming was your hobby, so see you at 11 AM.

I saw an orphan crying the other day, so I asked, "Where are your parents?"

God, I love working at an orphanage :)

I arrived at work and saw a kid crying. I walked up to the kid and asked, "Hey, where are your parents?" and the kid just cried more. God, I love working at an orphanage.

Why do midgets work at Tesco?

Because every little helps.