I want a job cleaning mirrors. I could really see myself doing it!
The teacher once said to some students, "I was an orphan before your principal hired me."
The students said, "Oof, that is sad."
The teacher tried to ignore them and take attendance. She said, "Is anyone missing?"
The students said, "Your parents."
The teacher got offended and later that day quit her job.
I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off!
[God creating sharks]
God: Ok give them 3 rows of teeth.
Angel: Seems excessive but ok.
God: And make them mean as hell.
Angel: WTF y.
God: BECAUSSE I SAID SO.
Angel:...
God: And make one of the types have a hammer for a head.
Angel: Why do I still work for you?
God: Because I’m the only employer as of right now.
What is a suicidal horny person's job?
A butcher.
Women be like, "Equal rights, equal pay," then decide that they don't want to do labor intensive jobs.
I got a new job at a trampoline park the other day. If I’m being honest, it’s got its ups and downs.
My friend's daughter is taking a job in California parking cars. She says she wants to be a valet girl. For sure. For sure.
Kid: Hi.
Janitor: Wtf you want, kid?
Kid: Why are you rude?
Janitor: 'Cause I have a shitty job.
Got fired from the bank yesterday.
They caught me drinking on the job.
A man with no arms is tasked with a lot of jobs. Then he says to his boss, "I can't handle all of this!"
I saw your mother get into a white Ford Taurus on the corner of Milton and Halliburton, and you're still trying to tell me she ain't got no job cause she "can't get a ride to work?"
I lost my job making storage units for the police after a week. I guess you could say it was a brief case.
Be grateful:
You're missing work today because in the past, someone cared enough to leave that banana peel on the stairs.
Q: Why do orphans work at Olive Garden?
A: Because when you're there, you're family.
If wishes were horses, Beggars would ride.
If turnips were watches, I would wear one by my side.
And if if's and an's were pots and pans, The tinker would never work!
What's an orphan's least favorite day? Take your kid to work day.
Would you mind just peeing into this cup, please? It's the one the annoying receptionist uses.
If you're waiting for a waiter at a restaurant, aren't you the waiter?
Why did the homophobic boy get fired from the banana factory?
He kept throwing away the bent ones!
