Employment jokes
I lost my job by giving up my seat to someone.
I didn't know you're not supposed to do that if you're a bus driver!
What’s the difference between a job and a wife?
The job keeps sucking after 5 years.
Why can't orphans work at SC Johnson?...
Because it's a FAMILY company.
Why can't orphans work at SC Johnson?
Because it's a family company.
Wood-fired pizza.
How would pizza get a job now?
Why was the gay boy fired from the sperm bank?
He was caught embezzling.
A man goes into a job interview and sits down.
The interviewer is looking over his resume and says, "I see here that there's a 4-year gap on your resume. What were you doing?"
The man says, "Oh, that was when I went to Yale!"
The interviewer is impressed and says, "That's great! You're hired!"
The man smiles. "Really? I'm so glad, because I really need this Yob."
[God creating sharks]
God: Ok give them 3 rows of teeth.
Angel: Seems excessive but ok.
God: And make them mean as hell.
Angel: WTF y.
God: BECAUSSE I SAID SO.
Angel:...
God: And make one of the types have a hammer for a head.
Angel: Why do I still work for you?
God: Because I’m the only employer as of right now.
Being a man that is poor really isn't that bad as long as you are involved in the world's oldest profession and you are well-endowed and you are not homophobic and as long as you can suck the chrome off a tailpipe then you have nothing to worry about if you are desperate enough to pay your bills.
Lack of money is the root of all evil. 😊
I saw a kid crying today and asked them, "Where are your parents?"
God, I love working at an orphanage!
I want a job cleaning mirrors. I could really see myself doing it!
My friend's daughter is taking a job in California parking cars. She says she wants to be a valet girl. For sure. For sure.
The teacher once said to some students, "I was an orphan before your principal hired me."
The students said, "Oof, that is sad."
The teacher tried to ignore them and take attendance. She said, "Is anyone missing?"
The students said, "Your parents."
The teacher got offended and later that day quit her job.
I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off!
What is a suicidal horny person's job?
A butcher.
Women be like, "Equal rights, equal pay," then decide that they don't want to do labor intensive jobs.
Did you hear about the man that got fired from his can job? It was soda-pressing.
I got a new job at a trampoline park the other day. If I’m being honest, it’s got its ups and downs.
What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?
One serves the nailed to the cross, one nailed by her boss.
A black dude shows up to a job interview for a watermelon farmhand gig, resume full of fried chicken joint experience. The boss asks, "Why should I hire you?" He stutters, "Uh, I got skills in... uh..." Before he can finish, a hulk-like, veiny, muscular, giant transgender man storms in, straps him to the interview desk with velvet cuffs, drips hot wax on his back from a candle shaped like a massive dick, and rams his ass relentlessly while whispering, "Welcome to the team, bitch. Your probation starts now."