Whatβs the difference between a job and a wife?
The job keeps sucking after 5 years.
Employment Jokes
Wood-fired pizza.
How would pizza get a job now?
A man goes into a job interview and sits down.
The interviewer is looking over his resume and says, "I see here that there's a 4-year gap on your resume. What were you doing?"
The man says, "Oh, that was when I went to Yale!"
The interviewer is impressed and says, "That's great! You're hired!"
The man smiles. "Really? I'm so glad, because I really need this Yob."
Being a man that is poor really isn't that bad as long as you are involved in the world's oldest profession and you are well-endowed and you are not homophobic and as long as you can suck the chrome off a tailpipe then you have nothing to worry about if you are desperate enough to pay your bills.
Lack of money is the root of all evil. π
I saw a kid crying today and asked them, "Where are your parents?"
God, I love working at an orphanage!
I want a job cleaning mirrors. I could really see myself doing it!
The teacher once said to some students, "I was an orphan before your principal hired me."
The students said, "Oof, that is sad."
The teacher tried to ignore them and take attendance. She said, "Is anyone missing?"
The students said, "Your parents."
The teacher got offended and later that day quit her job.
I canβt believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off!
[God creating sharks]
God: Ok give them 3 rows of teeth.
Angel: Seems excessive but ok.
God: And make them mean as hell.
Angel: WTF y.
God: BECAUSSE I SAID SO.
Angel:...
God: And make one of the types have a hammer for a head.
Angel: Why do I still work for you?
God: Because Iβm the only employer as of right now.
What is a suicidal horny person's job?
A butcher.
Women be like, "Equal rights, equal pay," then decide that they don't want to do labor intensive jobs.
Did you hear about the man that got fired from his can job? It was soda-pressing.
I got a new job at a trampoline park the other day. If Iβm being honest, itβs got its ups and downs.
Kid: Hi.
Janitor: Wtf you want, kid?
Kid: Why are you rude?
Janitor: 'Cause I have a shitty job.
My friend's daughter is taking a job in California parking cars. She says she wants to be a valet girl. For sure. For sure.
Got fired from the bank yesterday.
They caught me drinking on the job.
A man with no arms is tasked with a lot of jobs. Then he says to his boss, "I can't handle all of this!"
Man: Aw man, I'm having a bad day.
Man's friend: Same.
Man: So why did you have a bad day? My brother got hit by the school bus.
Man's friend: I got fired as a bus driver.
Man: Oh great heavens!
What do you call it when a man named Ned works at Panera Bread?
Panera Ned.
I'm on a roll with my jokes, right now!
Why can't orphans get a job?
Because they don't have a home.
