Education jokes
I was walking down the street one day, and I passed the gun store. I walked in, and everything was half off. I didn't know back-to-school sales had started already!
I wrote down a speech at home yesterday.
When I got to school, I was speechless.
Why did the kid bring a ladder to school?
Because he wanted to go to high school.
The Lenovo computers at school stopped working.
They had to call an archeologist.
Teacher: "What do you think is your purpose in our society?"
Me: "To reduce the population by one."
I got in trouble in school for leaving the depressed kid hanging.
So I was doing a project in my class and my teacher asked me to give an example of allusion, which is referencing something else with a word.
So I answered, “Jane 9/11ed her little sister's Jenga kit!”
The principal's office smells nice.
Using pi, distract the fat kid next to you so you can copy his answers.
A student got a bad letter grade, so the next day he came back with his own letter grade in his backpack: an A-K47.
Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day. Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” shouts Molly.
“Correct,” says the teacher.
The next day the teacher asks, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”
Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack’s pencil.
“Jesus Christ almighty!” she shouts.
“Correct again,” says the teacher.
The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.
This time the teacher asks her, “What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?”
Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams “If you stick that thing in me one more time I’m going to crack it in half!”
The teacher fainted.
She wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts, and we're both getting sent home from school because it's distracting to boys, apparently.
Teacher: What’s the closest planet?
Kids yell: Sun.
Except for one.
Other kid: Uranus.
Teacher: Uranus?
Other kid: Yeah, it’s right there.
Devora Malka, the Nora School, Silver Springs, Maryland, also known as Opal.
How do you prevent a physics teacher from drowning? Shoot her before she touches the water.
A kindergarten teacher is chatting with little John. The teacher asks John, "John, can you get me some pencils?" John replies, "Sure, I'll do it!" and accidentally knocks over a vase.
The teacher says, "Oh, John!"
John asks, "What does that mean?" The teacher replies, "It's kind of a synonym for 'You loser!'"
Your mother is responsible for all the train drivers that are never ever late. She taught them all to pull out on time.
Me explaining my child: when your mom is sitting on a table during her period, it's called the periodic table.
Teacher: "If you don't understand, ask your parents at home."
Orphan: "I don't have neither of those :c"
Why couldn't the orphan go on a school trip?
A parent's signature was required.
My teacher gave me an A in Physics, then she tells me that it turns guys on.