Teacher: "What is the opposite of the following sentence: 'Children in the dark make mistakes'?"
Student: "Mistakes in the dark make children."
Teacher: Your bag is heavy, what's in there?
Weird Kid: Magazines.
Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day.
Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, "Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?"
Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
"Jesus Christ almighty!" shouts Molly.
"Correct," says the teacher.
The next day the teacher asks, "Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?"
Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack's pencil.
"Jesus Christ almighty!" she shouts.
"Correct again," says the teacher.
The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.
This time the teacher asks her, "What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?"
Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams "If you stick that thing in me one more time I'm going to crack it in half!"
If a special ed kid is late to class, is it okay to call me a little tardy?
What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? -- "Bison."
What is yellow and can’t swim?
A school bus full of children.
A professor was talking about the American dream. Then, he asked the German exchange student if there was a German dream, to which the student replies, "We did, but no one liked it."
In school, we learned that squirrels stick their nuts in trees. So, just like my uncle Dave...
Dating a stripper is like eating a bag of chips in class.
Everyone looks at you in disgust, but deep down inside they want some too.
Teacher: At the end of this ruler is an idiot.
Student: Which end?
What do you call a creepy IT teacher?
A PDF file.
Why wasn't Michael Jackson admitted to college? He refused to declare a major; he only wanted to do minors.
Why do priests appreciate educated children?
They don't spit.
Son - Dad, I've been expelled from school for having sex with a girl in my class.
Dad - Son, that's the 2nd school this year! Maybe teaching isn't for you!
In preschool, I confessed my love to my crush, and she rejected me. As heartbroken as I was, I sucked it up and went back to teaching.
I got kicked out of the school library for placing a women's rights book in the fiction section.
Your forehead is so big that teachers use it as a whiteboard.
Teacher: I used to be an orphan once.
Student: OOFT.
Teacher: Who are we missing?
Student: Your parents.
What do Michael Jackson and math have in common? They are both hard for kids.
What do you call a prostitute with a major in math?
The thot that counts.
