Education jokes

Me: "I came home laughing."

Parents: "What's wrong?"

Me: "The teacher asked everyone a question. Luckily, I was the only one who knew."

Parents: "Good for you, Johnny. What was the fantastic question your teacher gave everyone and only you knew?"

Me: "Well, it's kinda complicated, but here it goes."

Parents: "What is it?"

Me: "Who farted?"

A letter to all Math:

Dear Math,

Grow up and solve your own problems!

2x6= DO IT YOURSELF!!!!

Student: What's the best thing in the world?

Teacher: I don't know what.

Student: Hard rock cock.

I went to school and everyone was screaming and looking at me. They weren't after I shot them, though.

What's the difference between Al Qaeda and Ms. Frizzle? One flew a plane into the Twin Towers; one flew a bus into the school.

What's yellow and can't swim?

A school bus full of children.

I was always told as a kid that I have to pick between being a programmer and an English teacher.

They said: you can't be a "pro-grammer nazi."

My mom is a chemistry teacher.

Mom: You can’t be attracted to something without it being attracted to you back.

Me: Tell that to my FUCKING CRUSH, BITCH!

Someone at school judged my grammar.

I judged theirs by the terms "school" and "rifle range" being mixed up the next day.

What is a cow's favorite class in school?

Moosic.

Where is a place where people die?

Rosshall Academy.

The teacher of the ELA class said that whoever answers this next question gets to go home. Then a kid sitting next to the window threw his bag out the window. Teacher asked who threw that, he said, "Me, I'm going home." Before he could move the teacher pointed a ruler at him and said, "At the end of this ruler is an idiot," he got suspended for asking which end.

What do you call a place where people die?

Rosshall Academy.

What college can Stephen Hawking not attend?

"Stand" Ford University. :3

I'm a teacher at a high school, but I got fired. They told me I didn't do any work even though I always did a skele-ton.

If I make a summer camp for kids with concentration problems, will it be a "Concentration Camp"?

All school meeting introductions:

Grade School: “Welcome Girls and Boys!”

Middle School: “Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome!”

High School: “Fingerers and fingerees.”

An American is touring the Soviet Union. A Russian takes him to a school so he can see what it's like. He asks the kids if they like the Soviet Union. All of the kids say yes, they love it. All but one. That kid bursts out crying. The American asks what's wrong, and he cries, "I want to live in the Soviet Union!"

Sixty years ago, Stephen Hawking's teacher got fired for accidentally making an offensive joke. What was it? Go for your dreams, kids. Reach for the stars.

What do you think is going through kids' heads during school shootings? Bullets.