Eating jokes
What do clams do on their birthday? They shell-brate, but they eat all the cake for themselves because they’re shellfish!
I love eating pussy. That’s why the animal shelter is always my go-to for a good meal.
Knock knock. Who's there? Artichokes. Artichokes who? Artichokes when he eats too fast.
A guy asks his priest friend what he wants to eat, and the priest says "bad boys." Then his friend asks, "What kebab do you want?" and the priest says, "B Bricked up Caucasian or Asian will do."
The teacher said she made the kids guess what a random word was, and it was honey. She also gave them a sample of honey to make it a little easier.
Teacher said that it was something that you eat and what parents call each other. Little Johnny said, "I know what it is now! Spit them out now guys, their Buttholes!"
Why did the girl not eat her dinner?
because she has an eating disorder.
Your mummy so skinny, she can't eat!
When the cannibal was late for dinner, he got the cold shoulder.
For 15 cents a day, you can feed an African child. They eat spare change, I guess.
What did the dinosaur eat when the dentist fixed his tooth?
The dentist!
Me: Do you take milk before cereal, or cereal before milk?
The adult person I asked: Cereal?
Me: I take the bowl first! What do you do? Do you just pour everything on the table and then eat it?
The person: Yes.
Me: WHAT?!!!??!!
Why do physically disabled gay men like performing blowjobs on well-endowed, abled-bodied gay men?
Because physically disabled gay men prefer eating pepperoni than eating sausage links for dinner 🍽
One time my boyfriend and I were playing the tickle game and I tickled him on his thighs by accident, and I said, "Oh no, I am dead."
Then he started tickling me on my thighs up to my vagina, and then I moaned while laughing and told him, "STOP, please."
Then he said, "That's what I thought," and I was like, you cheated. He was like, "You first did it."
So he went to the restroom and pulled down his pants. Then I jumped on him and pulled his dick five times, and he screamed, and I quickly ran out and laughed. Then he ran to me, and I screamed, and he started eating my pussy and fingering me while I said, "Okay, okay, stop."
And he stopped and started sucking my boobs and giving me hickeys while I said, "Please stop," and then I pushed him off, and he turned me around and put his dick in my hole, and I said, "Owwwwwwww."
Then he said, "Play with me, I'll fuck you up."
I said, "Ughh," and slapped him.
Why do orphans eat an ice cream cone?? They can't afford a family pack.
What's the difference between fruit and a freshly killed corpse?
I don't eat the fruit.
So, I went out to eat the other day, and the waitress came up to me and asked if I wanted a glass of water. I said, "Yes ma'am." She said, "Oh honey, you don't have to call me ma'am, I'm not that old." I said, "Okay, thanks bitch."
Why does Mario eat mushrooms?
Because he's a very fungi!
Wanna play shark attack? I eat, you scream!
What is the best part about eating cake? Your mom.
You're like a cat, all you do is eat and sleep.