Eating jokes
D: Johnny, Johnny.
J: Yes, Papa?
D: Eating sugar?
J: No, Papa!
D: Telling lies?
J: No, Papa!
D: Open your mouth, now full of cock. :)
Just because she can't crawl doesn't mean she can't eat my balls.
What did the blind man say to his dog after eating dinner?
"Just ate a tasty steak!"
How do you eat a cake?
With a fork!
How did Helen Keller die?
Her ex gave her plutonium and told her to eat it.
Memes
Why did the monster 🧟♀️ put the cook in a bowl?
He wanted a chef salad. 🥗😂
A girl was going through some really bad health issues at her house. It got so bad that she had to be rushed to the hospital.
Her husband found out about this after work and went to check on her. When he got there, the desk lady immediately pointed down the hall to a doctor. The guy walked up to the doctor, "Are you the one taking care of my wife?" The doctor glanced away from his papers, "Yes, that would be me, but I am afraid that she is in very bad condition. I have bad news and good news. The bad news is that she will have to be wheeled around in a wheelchair. Also, she can't eat normally. Taking care of her will become very hard. Basically, it will be like taking care of a big baby." Shocked, the guy says, "Wait, if that's the bad news, than what is the good news?" The doctor goes, "I'm just kidding with you, she died!"
What's the difference between a baby and a sandwich?
I don't f**k a sandwich before I eat it.
What did the dinosaur eat when the dentist fixed his tooth?
The dentist!
Catholic men say eating broccoli is like anal sex.
If you’re forced to have it as a child, you probably won’t like it as an adult.
What part of a vegetable can't you eat?
The wheelchair.
"I think Hannibal Lecter is soooo sexy... I'd like him to eat me!"
My girlfriend is incredibly sad since her cat has disappeared.
I am quite sure now that I misunderstood something when she asked me to eat her pussy--and I am beginning to think that I did not get the "fuck her doggy" part either.
How much curry can an Indian eat? Until his red dot explodes.
What did Queen Lettuce say to her greens?
Lettuce eat Brussels!
Just shit my pants and it ran all down my legs... last time I eat at Popeyes.
Q: Why didn't Jeffery Dahmer eat comedians?
A: He thought they tasted funny.
What do Indian hip hop artists eat?
Rice rice baby.
Every time I come in the kitchen, my girl is in the kitchen in the damn refrigerator eating all the food, like the fried chicken, the mashed potatoes, the collard greens, mac and cheese, and the cornbread.
Then I said I wanna eat some of that shit. I love soul food. Then I told her, "You keep it up; your fat ass is going to be big like the house on Haunted Hill."
My cat sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her. She visits the doctor once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her.
She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She receives these accommodations absolutely free. She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head, Holy Sh*t, my cat is a Democrat!