Eating jokes

Q: What's the difference between an abortion clinic and Uber Eats?

A: The abortion clinic doesn't deliver.

If the captain of the Titanic was dumb, he would eat the iceberg.

When younger girls say, "I want my period, or it will not be bad."

*eating chocolate in bed crying* My face at them when they say that. 🤣🙄😵

Them: "I got my period." *them hurting*. Me: "Told ya."

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate 9. So what was 10 scared of? Because he was in the middle of 9, 11.

A sister told her brother to walk to the store, buy some candy, and watch a movie with her while eating the candy.

But he couldn't walk because he has no legs. He couldn't buy candy because he has no arms. He couldn't watch a movie because he was blind, and he couldn't eat because he has no stomach. Who said he was real?

Why should a feminist never be allowed to join the UAW United Auto Workers?

Because the only thing that a feminist will do in the UAW United Auto Workers, is eat pussy all day inside the women's restroom and she will only pay her membership dues, if she is allowed to eat pussy all day inside the women's restroom.

I eat dick.

I was arrested for eating too much crack on accident. How?

My sister came into my room shoving her ass in my face.

I named my dog Chicken.

I love eating chicken.

Just because she can't crawl doesn't mean she can't eat my balls.

The gayest person in the world is Pacman. You can pay him to eat 200 balls.

I didn’t know if she was anorexic or not, so I tossed her an onion ring to see if she would eat it or use it as a hula hoop.

How do you eat a cake?

With a fork!

What did the blind man say to his dog after eating dinner?

"Just ate a tasty steak!"

Well, tell her that Halloween is the best holiday because you can hide Easter eggs under the Christmas tree while eating a big Thanksgiving turkey.

How did Helen Keller die?

Her ex gave her plutonium and told her to eat it.

A girl was going through some really bad health issues at her house. It got so bad that she had to be rushed to the hospital.

Her husband found out about this after work and went to check on her. When he got there, the desk lady immediately pointed down the hall to a doctor. The guy walked up to the doctor, "Are you the one taking care of my wife?" The doctor glanced away from his papers, "Yes, that would be me, but I am afraid that she is in very bad condition. I have bad news and good news. The bad news is that she will have to be wheeled around in a wheelchair. Also, she can't eat normally. Taking care of her will become very hard. Basically, it will be like taking care of a big baby." Shocked, the guy says, "Wait, if that's the bad news, than what is the good news?" The doctor goes, "I'm just kidding with you, she died!"

What's the difference between a baby and a sandwich?

I don't f**k a sandwich before I eat it.

What did the dinosaur eat when the dentist fixed his tooth?

The dentist!

Catholic men say eating broccoli is like anal sex.

If you’re forced to have it as a child, you probably won’t like it as an adult.