Eating jokes
In the cute fantasies: "Est-ce que tu manges du poulet? Attendez une seconde, VOTRE PROFESSEUR VEGAN!!!!!"
In reality: "Are you eating chicken? Wait a second, YOUR THE VEGAN TEACHER!!!"
Today, I saw my friend go crazy eating her ham sandwich. When she went to the bathroom, I checked inside her ham sandwich, and there were fresh drugs.
Mom: Please eat, baby!
Baby: No!
Mom: Here comes the airplane!
Son: What's for dinner tonight?
Mom: Steak!
Son: Mom, you know I only eat veggies, so what's for me?
Mom: HUNGER!
A panda walks into a restaurant, orders some food, and eats it. Once he was done, he shoots the waiter, then leaves.
Police and detectives arrive at the scene. They ask the waiter, "Who did this to you? What happened?"
The waiter replies, "A panda, eats, shoots, and leaves."
Don’t like this post, or else I will go to your house and eat you! 😈
Why does Mario eat mushrooms?
Because he's a very fungi!
Chalie has an eating disorder, and he is shorter, so is his life, but he will never get a wife. He's a gay motherfucker who wants to be hit by a trucker?
What do cannibals call a wheelchair user?
"Uber Eats."
I bet when 2 cheetahs race and one of them cheats, the other one says, "You're such a cheetah!" Then they laugh and go and eat a zebra or whatever.
What did the banana say to the vibrator?
"What are you shaking for? She’s going to eat me!"
If you wanna get fat, what's the quickest way to do it?
Eat two jars of mayo each day, and in about a month, your scale will have your phone number!
Why should old women never eat seafood?
'Cause then she'll start acting crabby.
What did Michael Jackson say when dinner was ready? Ea-ea-eat.
What does a Tusken Raider eat after his meal?
Some desert!
Someone eats glue and tells the other, "Sorry, can't stick around!"
Me: Knock knock.
My sister: Who's there?
Me: I eat mop.
My sister: I eat mop who?
My mind: I eat my poo.
My sister getting it.
If you are what you eat, then I’m black.
Your mummy so skinny, she can't eat!
Yo mama so dumb, she thought "The Squid Game" was an all-you-can-eat buffet.