Eating jokes

If you wanna get fat, what's the quickest way to do it?

Eat two jars of mayo each day, and in about a month, your scale will have your phone number!

Why should old women never eat seafood?

'Cause then she'll start acting crabby.

Why does Mario eat mushrooms?

Because he's a very fungi!

If I were to not eat the last biscuit, I would feel "crumby."

What is the difference between a small child and a watermelon?

One I eat on the daily and the other is a watermelon.

Why can't fat kids change a tire?

They would eat the donut.

I'm so jealous of babies with anencephaly.

They can eat all the ice cream they want and never get brain freezes.

If you are what you eat, then I’m black.

When younger girls say, "I want my period, or it will not be bad."

*eating chocolate in bed crying* My face at them when they say that. 🤣🙄😵

Them: "I got my period." *them hurting*. Me: "Told ya."

If the captain of the Titanic was dumb, he would eat the iceberg.

Me: Knock knock.

My sister: Who's there?

Me: I eat mop.

My sister: I eat mop who?

My mind: I eat my poo.

My sister getting it.

Yo mama so dumb, she thought "The Squid Game" was an all-you-can-eat buffet.

Q: What's the difference between an abortion clinic and Uber Eats?

A: The abortion clinic doesn't deliver.

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate 9. So what was 10 scared of? Because he was in the middle of 9, 11.

What does a Tusken Raider eat after his meal?

Some desert!

Someone eats glue and tells the other, "Sorry, can't stick around!"

A sister told her brother to walk to the store, buy some candy, and watch a movie with her while eating the candy.

But he couldn't walk because he has no legs. He couldn't buy candy because he has no arms. He couldn't watch a movie because he was blind, and he couldn't eat because he has no stomach. Who said he was real?

Why should a feminist never be allowed to join the UAW United Auto Workers?

Because the only thing that a feminist will do in the UAW United Auto Workers, is eat pussy all day inside the women's restroom and she will only pay her membership dues, if she is allowed to eat pussy all day inside the women's restroom.

I eat dick.

I was arrested for eating too much crack on accident. How?

My sister came into my room shoving her ass in my face.