Eating jokes
Two cannibals have just captured a man and are about to eat him, so they cook him and lay him on a table. The first cannibal says, "You start at the bottom, I start at the top," so they both chow down.
About half an hour later, the second cannibal says, "I'm having a ball!" Then the first cannibal says, "Then you're eating too fast!"
What's grosser than gross? A truckload of dead babies.
What's grosser than that? A live one at the bottom.
What's grosser than that? When he eats his way out.
Grosser than that? When he goes back for more.
What do cows eat for breakfast? -- Moosli.
What do you call an ex eating Taco Bell?
Explosion.
These two cannibals are sitting by the campfire having dinner. One says, "I can't stand my mother-in-law." The other says, "So, just eat the potatoes."
Memes
Life is like a box of chocolates, it doesn't last long if you're fat.
Why can't a blind person eat fish?
They can't see food.
Why don't feminists like to eat hotdogs? Because they remind them of men's dicks.
Why are orphans so skinny?
They never eat anything that is family size.
If you eat her out on her period, does that make you Cunt Dracula?
What part of a vegetable can you not eat?
The wheelchair.
Why is it annoying to eat by basketball players? Because they dribble all the time!
I work as an IT technician. The other day, I had to fix Cristiano Ronaldo’s laptop. He pointed to a message on the screen saying, “Do you consent to cookies?” He said that he doesn’t eat cookies and doesn’t know what consent means, so that’s why he called me.
What does Michael Jackson like to eat? Little wieners.
It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true.
I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?
You need to eat makeup on the inside because, friend, you're so ugly and you're not even pretty on the outside.
Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!
Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*
Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.
Who cooks in a lesbian relationship?
Neither one of them, they eat out.
What are the basic ingredients when a cannibal makes a sandwich?
2 slices of Brad.