Eating

Eating jokes

People

  • What do Ellen DeGeneres and homeless people have in common?

    They don’t cook because they love eating out.

  • 0
  • Cannibal

  • Two cannibals have just captured a man and are about to eat him, so they cook him and lay him on a table. The first cannibal says, "You start at the bottom, I start at the top," so they both chow down.

    About half an hour later, the second cannibal says, "I'm having a ball!" Then the first cannibal says, "Then you're eating too fast!"

  • 6
  • Cannibal

  • These two cannibals are sitting by the campfire having dinner. One says, "I can't stand my mother-in-law." The other says, "So, just eat the potatoes."

  • 1
  • Starvation

  • Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!

    Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*

    Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.

  • 1
  • Banana

  • It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true.

    I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

  • 1
  • Hot Dog

  • For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?

  • 7
  • Laptop

  • I work as an IT technician. The other day, I had to fix Cristiano Ronaldo’s laptop. He pointed to a message on the screen saying, “Do you consent to cookies?” He said that he doesn’t eat cookies and doesn’t know what consent means, so that’s why he called me.

  • 1
  • Makeup

  • You need to eat makeup on the inside because, friend, you're so ugly and you're not even pretty on the outside.

  • 2