Eating jokes
Bf: Hey, what ya doing?
Gf: Just lying in bed.
Bf: Just lying in bed?
Gf: And eating cereal.
Bf: Ha, nice, what would you do if I was in bed next to you...?
Gf: Eat my cereal.
Bf: I mean if the cereal wasn't there.
Gf: I'd get out of bed and get more cereal.
Somebody: Do you even eat and get sleep?
Me: I have depression, what do you think?!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Yull.
Yull who?
You'll be sorry if you eat all the fruitcake!
My girlfriend broke up with me because she caught me eating a banana with my butt........
IMAGINE!
Today, I saw my friend go crazy eating her ham sandwich. When she went to the bathroom, I checked inside her ham sandwich, and there were fresh drugs.
What do you call a rapper's favorite place to eat?
The MIC Donald's drive-thru.
What does a person eat before a race?
Answer: They fast.
Shorkey will find you in bed tonight, and he will eat you like my joke or else...
Why is the orphan sad for dinner?
He has no one to eat with at the table.
Vegetarian: I prefer plants.
Herbivore: I just like food.
Cannibal: I'm a people person.
What did the shark say when he ate the clownfish?
"This tastes a little funny."
What did the cannibal do after eating all the vegetables?
Sold the wheelchairs on eBay.
Yo momma is so fat, when she caught the flesh-eating bacteria, it gave up!
What's the difference between a hooker and a burrito?
I don't eat burritos.
Fat people: Do I look beautiful when I eat a pack of chicken?
Me: Yes, you look like a bunch of boulders crashing into each other.
Fat: Dang...
Me: Shut up, Jon Brower Minnoch.
My three favorite things are eating my family, and not using commas.
That forehead is so tall it can eat a plane! Open wide!
In the French school, four sentences must be written. Fritz heard his mother say, "Close the door!"
Fritz went to his uncle and heard, "Yes, I'll put it there."
Then he came to his brother who said, "They call me Superman, hahaha!"
Finally, his sister looked at a photo and said, "Wow!"
The next day, the teacher said, "Okay, Fritz, it's your turn. Finish eating and take out the trash!" Fritz said, "Close the door!"
The teacher got angry and said, "I want to see the principal." Fritz replied, "Yes, my friend, I am leaving you."
The teacher asked, "I have forgotten your name, what is it?" Fritz said, "I'm Superman! I'm Superman! You're nothing!"
"Who do you think I am?" asked the teacher, who had become very angry. Fritz replied, "Wow!"
A retired George W. Bush is eating a donut at 7/11 and looks at it. "I'm so happy I did that." A guy overhears the conversation and says, "You're happy you bought that donut? Oh haha, I would be too. I love donuts!" George W. Bush then says, "Oh hahaha, you caught me," and then says, "Oh hahaha, you must have heard me wrong. I said, I'm so happy I did 9/11."
What do you call something that eats kids?
An upset mother.