What did 50 do when he was hungry?
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GO ON THE QUINTILLIONAIRE MORNING ROUTINE NOW!
1. Wake up 2. Take a shit 3. Eat 4. Get out of bed 5. Have breakfast
What do vegetarian zombies eat? -- Graaaaiins.
What's the hardest part to eat of a vegetable? the wheelchair
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. – I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
Two people are in a restaurant. Person #1 doesn’t order anything and person #2 orders a chili.
Person #1: Aren’t you gonna eat your bowl of chili?
Person #2: No you can have it.
Person #1: Ok, thanks...
Person 1 starts eating his food only to find half of a dead rat! He vomits all of the food back into the bowl.
Person #2: That’s about as far as I got too!
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
What do Ellen DeGeneres and homeless people have in common?
They don’t cook because they love eating out
Why ate orphans so Skinny? Thry never eat anything tjat is family size
What’s the only thing with 4 legs Asians don’t eat? A table
So my sister was eating Now&Laters, and I continuously heard smacking sounds. So I told her can you stop smacking its annoying. Then she said I cant its a juicy type of candy. So I said, I can stop the candies from making that sound. Then she said how? So I smacked her. :)
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent's home for their first night together. In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet. She replies, "No". Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?" His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school." Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?" She replies, "No." Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?" His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school." After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?" His mom says "No." He asks, "Do you know what I think?" His Mom replies, "Ok, do tell me what you think?" He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."
If you eat a clock then does that mean you’ve consumed time?
Why cant Chinese play baseball? Because they eat the bats
Would you like to eat some African food?
So would they....
My friend was told by her doctor that she was morbidly obese.
As if she doesn't have enough on her plate.
Q:What do women and kfc have in common A:once you eat the breasts and thighs all you have left is a greasey box to put ur bone in
Here are a few:
While I was out shopping i tripped in a store and a lady would not stop staring at me, for fun I said "Sorry! It's been awhile since I've possessed a body." She looked horrified.
Dads are like boomerangs. . . I hope!
Son: Dad why is my name Experience? Dad: Son, Experience is the name we give our mistakes.
You won't eat a human, so why eat meat? Bold of you to presume I won't eat a person.
What do cats eat for breakfast???????????
mice krispies
