Dying jokes
Roses are red, violets are blue, Alexander Boris de Pfeffel had wine and cheese while your loved ones died in the ICU.
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I bought her another, identical one.
She just screamed at me and said: “What am I meant to do with two dead dogs?!?”
So your wife has died, and now she is marginally better in bed than before.
If you really want to get her to wiggle, simply add maggots.
My uncle died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.
Why did the skeleton die from laughter?
'Cause they broke all his "funny bones!"
as apart of this stupid state i can confirm not cold at all. (I was born in Ohio)
My friend died. Me and my other bestie start singing the coffin song. My bestie in the coffin, why are you not sad? Why are you still alive?
How did Stephen Hawking die?
His PC overheated.
My emo friend got jealous when my phone died.
I used to have a son, but he died the same way Eric Clapton's son died. For inspiration.
What do girl emos and boy emos have in common?
1. They both want to die.
2. They both cut to die faster.
3. They both listen to emo songs.
4. They like "I wanna die" song/"Miss wanna die."
A tortoise was in a dry pool along with some geese. The tortoise said that they could carry him to a fresh pool. Then the geese flew through the air holding the tortoise. The tortoise was about to say something, but fell and died.
Die you potato.
I baked you a pie.
Oh boy, which flavor?
Pie Pie Pie Pie.
Dad, I'm hungry.
Hi hungry, I'm dad.
Why did you name this way?
Why Why Why?
So my friend died. I was at her casket. I said I'll see you on the other side, so I went to the other side of the casket.
I want to make another joke about Josef Vasicek, but I think if I make the NHL, I'll die in an airplane crash, so I won't risk it again.
What did Stephen Hawking say when he died?
"Windows shut down sound."
Twin monks who ring the church bells died.
Now they are dead ringers. :)
I'll unplug your life support for my phone that's about to die.
A boy couldn't walk normally because his pants were huge, and when he went to school, the people there made so many jokes about him that he died.
IT'S NOT TRUE, JUST A FAKE JOKE, DON'T WORRY!
Your loved one dies and you call the Coroner's office. They answer, "Hello, this is Benny from the Coroner's office, you stab 'em, we slab 'em, how may I be of service?"
I will always remember my grandfather's last words before he died: "Is that a real chainsaw?"