Driver

Driver jokes

Nun

    • Three nuns are on their way up to heaven after having been involved in a terrible minibus crash on the Italian Alps that killed them and the driver (he went the other direction!).

    As they're approaching the Pearly Gates to be interviewed by St. Peter, they are requested by an attendant to form a single line and wait. Sister Agnes is first, Sister Bernadette behind her and Sister Carmel on the end.

    Finally, St. Peter approaches the nuns to determine their worthiness for entry to Heaven.

    He says to the first nun: "Sister Agnes, have you ever seen the penis of a man?"

    Sister Agnes bursts into tears and says: "Yes, St. Peter, I have, but please don't let this prevent me from entering the Kingdom of Heaven."

    St. Peter says: "Never fear, my child. Say a thousand Hail Marys and then go over to that font of Holy Water and wash your eyes out, then you shall enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

    Sister Carmel sees what's going on and taps Sister Bernadette on the shoulder, somewhat urgently.

    "Pssst - hey Bernie"!, she says.

    Sister Bernadette asks: "What is it?" A little annoyed.

    Sister Carmel says: "Do you mind if we swap places"?

    Sister Bernadette replies: "What for"?

    Sister Carmel says: "Well, I wouldn't mind gargling before you stick your ass in there!"

  • 3

    • Cop

    • A cop stopped a guy for speeding. He said, "Do you know how fast you were going?" "I was trying to keep up with traffic," the guy replied. The cop said, "But there is no traffic." And the guy answered, "That's how far behind I am."

  • 0

    • Baby

    • A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."

  • 4

    • Stereotype

    • I just found out that there is a racist stereotype about Asians being bad drivers, which isn't true... but if it is, then maybe Pearl Harbor was just an accident.

  • 3
    • Driver memes

    Car

    • Two persons were in a car. The brakes were broken and they were going so fast that they would crash and die.

    The driver said: "Oh no! We will die!" but the person sitting next to him replied: "Don't panic, the stop sign at the end of the road will stop us."

  • 0

    • Drunk man

    • Three drunk men get in a taxi. The driver knew they were drunk, so he started the car and turned it off. The first man gave him the money. The second man thanked him, but the third man slapped the driver. The driver, surprised that he noticed, asked why, and the third man replied with, "Why did you drive so fast?"

  • 1

    • Guy

    • Three drunk guys entered a taxi.

    The taxi driver knew that they were drunk, so he started the engine and turned it off again. Then said, "We have reached your destination." The first guy gave him money, and the second guy said, "Thank you." The third guy slapped the driver. The driver was shocked, thinking the third drunk knew what he did. But then he asked, "What was that for?" The third guy replied, "Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us!"

    Bus

    • Imagine you go to school, right? You hit the curve, the bus driver be like, "Ahhh, how do I stop the bus?" Students from the bus jump from the windows. One of the students: "That's a YOU problem."

    Blonde

    • A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.

    The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

    'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'

    The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.

    The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop..."

  • 1

    • Car

    • A man driving along a country road sees a little girl crying next to a cliff. He gets out and says, "Aw, what's the matter little girl?"

    She points off the cliff, and at the bottom is the family car, burning with everyone inside, all mangled and dead.

    The man unbuckles his pants and says, "Little girl, today just ain't your day."

  • 0

    • Pedo

    • A pedo is driving down a highway really slowly and gets stopped by the police. The officer asks why he was driving so slowly. The man answers, "I don't wake up the kids."

  • 1