Driver jokes

How are a woman and a car alike? Put something in them and they'll both start.

A cement mixer has collided with a prison van. Motorists are asked to look out for 16 hardened criminals.

What do women and Nvidia have in common?

They both do not make very good drivers.

What's the difference between my car and a school bus? A school bus takes them back home.

I got so drunk with the guys yesterday that when the Uber driver asked how many drinks I had, I said, "Yes."

Are you a white van? Because I would love to put children in you.

What car does Hitler drive?

A Fuhrerri.

I ran into a kid today. Now I'm in jail and I lost my driver's license.

What would the main character from Martin Scorsese's Taxi Driver be named if he was a Mexican?

Travis Spick-le.

Boss: Why are you so bad at driving trains? How many have you derailed this year?

Me: Sorry, boss, it’s hard to keep track.

Why couldn’t Billy go to school today?

The bus driver hit Sally.

One day a truck driver had a truck full of squirrels. A police officer said, "Sir, I'm going to need you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver did so and left. The next day the driver was back, but this time the squirrels were wearing sunglasses. The officer said, "I thought I told you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver said, "I did. Today I'm taking them to the beach."

Teacher on school bus, "Everybody sit down now, the bus is about to start."

Ben: "I’m not going to sit down. I don’t want to."

Teacher: "You have to, or else you have to get off the bus."

Teacher: "*stands up*"

Ben: "Then you should get off the bus 'cause you're not sitting."

What is long, yellow and can't swim?

A bus full of children.

What's the point of hiding the screaming speed bump you ran over? You might as well hit it again to A: Stop the screaming. B: Make it look like an actual speed bump. And C... You think it's hilarious the noise it makes when you ran over its stomach.

Today was a really bad day. My mother-in-law was hit by a cab AND I lost my job as a cab driver!

Imagine a white van. Now imagine a white guy in the driver seat with a sombrero on and his arm out the window, and on the side of the van it says "Free Candy." But there's blood all over the van and a dead clown in the back.

So I was asleep and woke up and went to work. My wife left already to her job. I was driving my car and ran over someone. I woke up in my bed, realized it was all a dream.

20 minutes later I got a phone call that my wife got hit by a car.

I almost got run over by a car.

For the rest of the day I was taking the backseat as I was wheely tried.

What's white at the front and black at the back? A bus.