I hate when my father doesn't cook me cocktails for tea.
A cop pulls me over and asks if I have been drinking.
I'm an honest person and say yes, I did, so I take off my sunglasses and tell him that I now had 2 glasses less.
I've been drinking from a tall cup.
His teeth look like Twin Towers, Al-Qaeda blown him up.
How do you call a very good lemonade?
Fantatastic!
What's the difference between an orgy and mass suicide?
When exactly my cult members drink the Kool-Aid.
Depresso Exspresso let's be friends, please.
Royal rebel and push so back, they ever marble say that drink pushback.
Yo momma's titty milk taste like Captain Crunch.
You're so poor that when you drink water from a cup, people flick a coin into it.
What do you call a priest that likes juice?
A Capriest Sun.
She said she was cheating. I put anti-freeze in her drink.
A Chinese, Japanese, South Korean, and North Korean all walk into a bar.
The Landlord says, "Why the same faces, lads?"
How do rappers like their coffee? With a lot of flow creamer.
I just encountered a father and son moment over some milk.
The dad finally came back with the milk!
How does Daveon like his coffee? Decaf-eon.
When I was a kid, my father would tell me that the black Santa Claus was coming to our house for Christmas. So, instead of putting out cookies and milk, we would put out cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.
CEO Intrepid entrepreneur born in 1964, Jeffrey, Jeffrey Bezos.
Repeat, come on Jeffrey, you can do it, pave the way, put your back into it, tell us why, show us how, look at where you came from, look at you now.
Zuckerberg and Gates and Musk, they're the anchors, can make and sick it up there with drink their blood, come on Jeff get it! Dododoododododod
After every line, say “I’m a man.” I went to the club. (I’m a man) I met a girl. (I’m a man) I took her to the bar. (I’m a man) We got some drinks. (I’m a man) I took her home. (I’m a man) We got in bed. (I’m a man) She whispered in my ear, (I’m a man)
A man and a giraffe walk into a bar. The man orders a beer, one for him and one for the giraffe.
After they finish their drinks, the giraffe falls over, and the man gets his stuff and heads for the door.
The bartender says, "Stop! You can't leave that thing lying on the floor!"
The man says, "Mate, that's not a lion, it's a giraffe."
A Chinese drunk and a Jewish drunk are sitting together on a park bench.
After finishing his drink, the Jew takes his bottle and smashes it over the head of the Chinese drunk.
"What the hell was that for?" asks the Chinese man, rubbing his head.
"That was for Pearl Harbor!" replies the Jewish drunk.
"Pearl Harbor? That was the Japanese! I'm Chinese!" he exclaims in return.
"Eh, Chinese, Japanese, Korean... you're all the same to me," the Jewish man explains as he gets up to leave.
The next day, the two drunks are back on the same park bench. The Chinese drunk suddenly takes his bottle and smashes it over the head of the Jew.
"Why the hell did you do that?" the Jewish man stammers.
"That was for the Titanic!" explains the Chinese drunk.
"The Titanic? What are you talking about? No one attacked it, it sunk when it hit an iceberg!" the Jew replies.
"Eh, Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg... you're all the same to me," the Chinese drunk happily retorts.
