Drink jokes
A cop pulls me over and asks if I have been drinking.
I'm an honest person and say yes, I did, so I take off my sunglasses and tell him that I now had 2 glasses less.
What do an M&M and juice have in common?
Window.
My mom told me to go to bed, but then I grabbed a drink and went in their room to say goodnight, and they looked like Adam and Eve on steroids!
Quote of the day:
Just one small positive thought in the morning can change your whole day.
[Comment your favorite fall beverage!]
Depresso Exspresso let's be friends, please.
What's the difference between an orgy and mass suicide?
When exactly my cult members drink the Kool-Aid.
I've been drinking from a tall cup.
His teeth look like Twin Towers, Al-Qaeda blown him up.
How do you call a very good lemonade?
Fantatastic!
How does Moses brew his coffee?
He brews it.
Why does an orphan eat cereal with water? Because their dad didn't come back with the milk.
How old do you have to be to drink? Any age.
WOULD YOU RATHER:
Eat 20 lbs of cow s**t?
or
Drink a gallon of sperm?
People say your body is 75% water, while mine [is] 100% full of coffee.
A grasshopper walked into a bar and sat down at the counter.
The bartender looked at him and said, "We have a drink named after you." The grasshopper replied, "Who names a drink Steve?"
What do superheroes put in their drinks?
Just ice.
A guy walks into a bar with a revolver and yells, “WHO THE FUCK FUCKED MY WIFE!”
A man in the back responds, “YOU AIN'T GOT ENOUGH BULLETS MATE!”
How does Daveon like his coffee? Decaf-eon.
I just encountered a father and son moment over some milk.
The dad finally came back with the milk!
When I was a kid, my father would tell me that the black Santa Claus was coming to our house for Christmas. So, instead of putting out cookies and milk, we would put out cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.
I will never forget my grandpa's last words:
"What the fuck is in this drink?"