Drink jokes
What do an M&M and juice have in common?
Window.
How do you call a very good lemonade?
Fantatastic!
A cop pulls me over and asks if I have been drinking.
I'm an honest person and say yes, I did, so I take off my sunglasses and tell him that I now had 2 glasses less.
My mom told me to go to bed, but then I grabbed a drink and went in their room to say goodnight, and they looked like Adam and Eve on steroids!
Quote of the day:
Just one small positive thought in the morning can change your whole day.
[Comment your favorite fall beverage!]
Royal rebel and push so back, they ever marble say that drink pushback.
Depresso Exspresso let's be friends, please.
Yo momma's titty milk taste like Captain Crunch.
What's the difference between an orgy and mass suicide?
When exactly my cult members drink the Kool-Aid.
White Russians, do you mean red, white, blue, and dead White Russians?
A sandwich walks into a bar.
Bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."
Why does an orphan eat cereal with water? Because their dad didn't come back with the milk.
How old do you have to be to drink? Any age.
I like my marriages like I like my whiskey: on the rocks.
A grasshopper walked into a bar and sat down at the counter.
The bartender looked at him and said, "We have a drink named after you." The grasshopper replied, "Who names a drink Steve?"
I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.
How do you trick a camel jockey into drinking a bottle of watermelon schnapps?
Pour watermelon seeds into a bottle of watermelon schnapps.
What’s an orphan’s favorite drink?
Foster’s.
Your mom gave me a three course meal last night:
Starters - Foreplay
Main course - Reverse Cowgirl
Dessert - Blowy
Won't forget the side drink of an individual on individual bukkake.
A Russian walked into a bar... Unlucky for him I guess, in Soviet Russia, you don’t walk into bars. Bars walk into you.