Dream jokes

I was in an audition for the lead role of movie "Aquaman." The Director told me to dive into a pool. Then outta nowhere Penaldo showed up and made a big dive into the pool. The director was impressed and selected Penaldo for the movie.

Shame on you Penaldo for destroying my dream!

I had a very long dream that I was eating the most juiciest, tastiest meal I'd ever eaten in my life. Then when I woke up, my wife was gone.

What’s something Bill Cosby and Freddy Krueger have in common?

Once you fall asleep, you’re fucked.

What's a spider-man’s dream job? Web developer.

I had a horrible nightmare yesterday. I was in a room filled with all of my ex's, so I was completely alone.

I had a dream that I was destroying the world, and I blew up my house for fun. I woke up and couldn't find my pillow... nor the house.

Don't give up on your dreams...

Keep sleeping.

My brother told me he wanted to find a golden apple tree in real life. I told him it was a fruitless mission.

When Stephen Hawking's teacher asked him, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

He said, "Six foot four."

What are the last two words you say after sex before going to sleep?

"Goodnight, Mom!"

"I'm a little piss baby!" -Dream

People dream about having a lot of money, but the only thing you should be dreaming about is a hairline.

What is blonde, has six legs, and roams Michael Jackson’s dreams every night?

Hanson.

I hate nightmares.

A man tried to tame a horse, but always failed. The news spread around town that this man couldn’t tame one single horse.

One day, the man went to a bar, where a fairly old man sat next to him. “Well partner!” He began. “I guess your dream horse is more of a NIGHT-MARE!”

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.

Why does an orphan always try to escape the orphanage?

Because he wants to get money to buy a family since they won't buy him.

What do you call a white guy with a 10 inch cock?

Asleep. Because that motherfucker's dreaming.

Last week I felt so high and mighty I thought I could fly. I took one shot, puffed through my pipe, and jumped in the air on a trampoline. I woke up in heaven.

I asked an angel, "How did I die?"

"Well, little monkey, you thought your bed was a trampoline and you hit your head. Your mom called the doctor, and the doctor said you were dead."

Are your parents bakers? Because you're a cutie pie.

Are you a loan? Because you've got my interest.

Is your dad a boxer? Because you’re a knockout!

If you were a vegetable, you’d be a cute-cumber.

Are you an artist? Because you’re really good at drawing me in.

I believe in following my dreams. Can I have your Instagram?

If you were a fruit, you’d be a fine-apple.

If you were a flower, you'd be a daaaaaamn-delion!