Dream jokes

When you fall asleep on the couch and wake up in your bed.

But you know you live alone.

What is an orphan's dream?

To get on top of the wanted list! 🤣

Last night I shared a bed with two of my friends because we were in a small hotel. We had strange dreams last night.

My friend on the left dreamed of getting a handjob.

So did my friend on the right.

I had a dream of skiing.

His hairline is so ugly that Martin Luther King had a dream about it.

Did you hear about the cello player who dreamed he was performing Bolero?

He woke up and found out it was true.

My hopes and dreams.

Went to the doctor, told him I've been having dreams, first about a wigwam, then about a teepee. He said I was too tense.

I had a dream I was a muffler last night...

I woke up EXHAUSTED! 😂😃

There was someone who slept late... he missed the dream!

Last week I felt so high and mighty I thought I could fly. I took one shot, puffed through my pipe, and jumped in the air on a trampoline. I woke up in heaven.

I asked an angel, "How did I die?"

"Well, little monkey, you thought your bed was a trampoline and you hit your head. Your mom called the doctor, and the doctor said you were dead."

Ernie and Burt were camping in the woods, when they woke up Burt asked Ernie "how did you sleep?" Ernie replied with "I slept amazing! I had a great dream that I was in a magic candy world and was sucking the most tastiest lollipop I'd ever tasted in my life."

Burt replied with "Good to hear, I slept amazing too. I had a dream that I was in heaven surrounded by angels, and one of them was giving me a blow job."

They used to laugh when I said I wanted to be a comedian.

Well, they're not laughing now!

Little boy: Momma?

Mom: Yes, my dear.

Little boy: One day I wanna work in McDonald's.

Mom: Why!?

Little boy: Just to see if their ice cream machine is actually broken.

It would have been better if Martin Luther King didn’t have a dream.

You know, for his sake.

Have you ever heard of a dream that that that that the universe was a fake machine?

Why does an orphan start with an "O"?

Because they only see their parents in their dream.

You don't have a forehead, you have a fivehead.

You don't have dreams, you have movies.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Bill Cosby.

Bill Cosby who?

Never mind, I’ll come back when you’re sleeping.

I don't want to sleep like a baby. I want to sleep like my husband.

If you're sleeping, and you fall in your dream, you may have died, and the angels dropped you.

Or you don't wake up, and you were on your way to hell.