Dream jokes
My dad told me that his dreams were shattered a few years ago.
Then I asked him how many years ago.
He replied with, "When were you born?"
I was working for Space X. I was instructed to control a satellite's orbit rotation when suddenly the screen went black. I investigated and found out one of Penaldos penalty had hit and destroyed the satellite. Shame on you Penaldo for ruining my dream job!
I wonder if the 2 Irish kids off the Titanic movie who went to sleep before it sank had wet dreams?
Your hairline's so messed up that even Martin Luther King Jr. couldn't have a dream about it.
I didn’t know what a class clown was till I went to a class and realized I was a class clown in kindergarten, and then I woke up from a nightmare.
I love going to sleep at night.
Girls' dreams: OMG, my crush kissed me!
Boys' dreams: I just got a dub, bro!
Why do black people only have nightmares?
Because the last one to have a dream got shot. (Martin Luther King joke)
@ the N-word of your dreams, why you not say nun on the fuckin community? You should talk on ther my g.
I just wish I went on a date with Ariana Grande, and then everybody knew I fucked Ariana Grande.
An ugly man with a gun walks into a bar. He sees a woman and falls in love with her.
Man: "Hey, cute lady!"
Woman: "Leave me alone, you ugly two-faced man! I already have a boyfriend."
Man: "Not for long!"
And then the man shoots the woman's boyfriend.
Woman: "How dare you murder such a beautiful man!"
Man: "Now you shall be my girlfriend."
Woman: "Never."
And then the man takes the seat that the woman's boyfriend was sitting in before.
Man: "You look like a dream."
Woman: "Then open up your ugly eyes and stop sleeping, murder."
Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the world, compared to all those ugly women? Bleuch!"
Woman: "What's it like being the ugliest mother f***ing murder in the world, compared to all those beautiful men?"
And then the man orders flowers and candy.
Bartender: "We don't serve flowers, or candy."
And the man shoots the bartender.
Another man can't believe what he just saw, so he strangles the first man and throws him out.
Why did the cantaloupe 🍈 jump into the pool? It wanted to become a watermelon 🍉.
Why do people think about handsome boys at night?
Because they're dreamy!
You’re so short, you must need a ladder to reach your advice and dreams.
Three kids one day found a magical slide. There was a sign next to it saying, “Whatever you wish for comes true once you slide down.” One kid stepped up and slid down. He wished for a river of chocolate, thus he swam in a chocolate river.
The second kid slid down and wished for a mountain of money. He then landed in a pile of money. The third kid went down and said, “Weeeeeeee!”
What's an orphan's dream job?
A builder, to build themselves a home.
Why do Imagine Dragons dream about mythical creatures?
Because they're believers.
There never was a historical Jesus Christ. Hey, do not even dream of crucifying me.
Kid: "Mom, I had a scary dream. Can I come sleep with you and dad?"
Mom: "Sure, sweetie, sleep in the middle."
Kid: "Dad, can you get the remote out of my back?"
Dad: "That isn't the remote."
*Weird background music*
There was once a man from Peru. Who fell asleep in a canoe. While dreaming of Venus, He played with his penis, And awoke with a hand full of goo.