Downing jokes

One afternoon, a man was walking to a bar after work. Across the street, an Irish nun stood there waving her arms at the man. "Look at this poor drunkard! The Lord does not love him! He will be sent to Hell!" the nun shouted.

The man walked over to the nun. "Hey! I had a hard day at work! I was going to get ONE beer! Have you ever even tried a drink before?" the man asked. The nun looked down and shook her head. "Well, if you tried it, you would probably like it! Would you want to try something?" the man asked. The nun replied, "Okay, only one thing."

"What would you like?" asked the man. He offered her beer and whiskey, but she declined. "How about a little gin?" the man concluded. "Okay, sure. But, can you ask them to put it in a mug so people don't see what I'm drinking?" asked the nun.

"Fine," the man walks into the bar and waves to the bartender. "Hey, can I have a bottle of beer and a bit of gin? Also, can that be in a mug?" asked the man. The bartender looked up, with fury in his eyes. "Don't tell me that damn nun is out there again!" the bartender said.

Me and my friend were duck hunting.

He shot 5 ducks in one shot. Then he shot by accident and yelled "DUCK!" then "MOTHERDUCKER!" Then ducks came down and one by one bit him.

I was finally released from jail a year after I beat up someone on New Year’s Eve.

Don’t blame me for being suspicious of an Arabian counting down from ten.

What is the difference between the Titanic and the Twin Towers?

They both went down.

What do you get if you talk to a Down syndrome person face to face at close distance?

Soaked...

What's white and black and red all over? A nun that fell down stairs.

I’m reading a book about Anti-Gravity. It’s impossible to put down!

What's worse than ants down your pants? Michael Jackson.

It doesn’t make much sense why autistic kids run down the hall screaming racecar noises.

I mean, they aren’t in wheelchairs, so I don’t know why they do it.

How do you get a squirrel down from a tree?

You pull down your pants and show it your nuts.

I once saw a kid walking down the street crying. So I asked them, "Hey kid, where are your parents?" And he started to cry even more...

"Huh. I wonder why he was so sad..." I said as I walked into the orphanage.

School Bully: How's your girlfriend? Oh wait, you don't have any!

Me: How's your parents? Oh wait, you don't have any! *Continues to burn down orphanage*

Why does everyone respect midgets and dwarves?

They never look down on anyone.

A guy wakes up one morning and is walking down the road, and he smells fish, and he says, "Good morning, ladies!"

Why are orphan weddings so entertaining?

They get to walk themselves down the aisle.

I pushed a disabled kid down a busy road and yelled out, "Mario Kart!"

What goes up and down and needs two people?

A seesaw.

"Knock knock."

"Why are you knocking on a wall? You're in the Twin Towers and they're going down!"

I went down to my fridge to grab my dinner. I said to the children, "Who's next?"

What's the difference between a road bump and children crossing the road?

A road bump will make you slow down when you drive over it.