Downing jokes

Blowjob

    • A man walks into a bar, sits down, and asks the bartender for 12 shots of vodka. The bartender asks what the man is celebrating, and said he'll give one shot on the house. The man said, "I'm celebrating my first blowjob. And nah, if 12 shots doesn't get the taste out of my mouth, nothing will."

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    • Mama

    • Your mama so fat, when Pennywise said, "We all float down here," he saw her and suddenly knew he was mistaken.

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    • Catholic

    • I always hated being born a Catholic as a kid. The way you have to keep kneeling down, bending over, and standing up all within a few minutes of each other while at church. I was always thinking, “For God’s sake, just pick a position and fuck me!”

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    • Downing memes

    Condom

    • The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.

    So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.

    Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.

    Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.

    Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.

    Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"

    The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"

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    • Jesus

    • Jesus was being hung up on the cross, and me and all the other people at the bottom of the hill were watching. Jesus cries out,

    "Peter, Peter come to me!"

    So I climb up the hill on my hands and knees, and when I reach the top, the Romans cut off my arms and chuck me back down the hill.

    "Peter, Peter come to me!" cries Jesus once more. I stumble up the hill, then the Romans cut my legs off and threw me back down. For the third time, Jesus cries,

    "Peter, Peter come to me!". So I wriggle up the hill, and I guess the Romans pitied me and let me through.

    "Look Peter, I can see my house from here!"

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    • Piranha

    • Today, I learned that a group of piranhas can maul a small child down to the bone in under 20 seconds. Well, I lost my job at the aquarium today.

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    • Mama

    • Your mama is so fat when Santa went down the chimney he said, "Ho, ho, ho, holy shit, you're fatter than me, bitch!"

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    • Marijuana

    • Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, pulled down his fly, and said, "Jill do you wanna?" Jill said yes, pulled up her dress, and then they had some fun. But stupid Jill forgot the pill so now they have a son.

    Girl

    • A girl in my class started barking, and I yelled out, "Furry!" Everyone started laughing at her, and I felt bad. After school, I asked to drive her home, and one the way there I apologized and then told her to count down from 10 - 1. Before she said one, I yelled, "THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!" then I jumped out the car.

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    • Priest

    • A Catholic priest finds a young boy crying at the top of a cliff.

    “What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

    The boy points down. “Mummy and Daddy were in the car and it went over the edge.”

    The priest can see the flaming wreck below. He looks around and sees no one else is about and starts to unbutton his belt.

    “It’s really not your day, is it?”

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    • Doctor

    • So, a doctor walks into the room with a dying patient. He looks the man up and down and says gravely: "I'm sorry, you only have ten left." The other man smiles nervously and asks, "T-ten what doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?" The doctor calmly looks at him. "Nine."

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