Double jokes
Hi, I got fired. Oh, don't know which fire? Oh, the one that I got burned on, the volcano.
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they have no one they can call "daddy."
If you have a daughter, give her the same name as the mum; that way when you call for a beer, you get two beers, and when you call for sex, you get two sex...
Time for double joke Tuesday.
What is a bird's favorite letter?
A C gull.
So I won a round of CSGO with my team, then on VC, some kid trash talked me.
Kid: You're a dick, you know!
Me: And you're a pussy, you know?
What’s Bin Laden’s favorite drink? Double Manhattan.
Women be like, "Don't body shame," then goes to body shame men's heights.
Women be like, "Don't say that about her genitals," then makes fun of men's genitals.
This is why they don't want to sell the Double Manhattan in pubs anymore.
Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, “Mommy, mommy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs, and my ball got away and into your closet. When I went to get it, Daddy came in with the lady next door, and they started hugging and kissing. The lady next door took off Daddy’s clothes, and Daddy took off the clothes from the lady next door, and they both got into your bed. The lady next door got on top of Daddy and started...”.
The mother cuts him off and says, “Just stop right there. You wait until your daddy comes home so you can tell him everything you just told me.” A couple hours later, the father arrives and walks through the door to find his wife and child with bags packed. She walks up to him and slaps across the face, shouting, “I’m leaving you... Go ahead, Johnny, tell him what you told me earlier.” Johnny steps forward to tell his daddy. “Daddy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs, and my ball got away and into your closet. When I went to get it, you came in with the lady next door, and you both started hugging and kissing. The lady next door took off your clothes, and you took off the clothes from the lady next door, and you both got into your bed. The lady next door got on top of you and started doing the same thing Mom did with Uncle Joe last summer.”
Yo mama so fat her yearbook picture was a double-page spread.
Is shooting and killing a pregnant woman a spawn kill or double kill?
Don't pick flat chests because they will turn their backs on you twice.
She wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts, and we're both getting sent home from school because it's distracting to boys, apparently.
Yo mama's so fat, she invented double doors!
When you see someone with a double chin that’s sad:
Hey come on, man, keep your chin up. Wait, which one?
Why do Orphans sleep in a double bed?
Because their parents can't!
The doctor told me I was so retarded, I was required to ride two wheelchairs.
Yo mama is so fat, when she was a spy, she was called "double obese."
God: You're gonna have 2 parents.
Orphan: Double it and give it to the next person.
Why don't you see black people with Down syndrome?
Because God doesn't punish someone twice.