Double jokes

A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a Martinus.

"Don't you mean a martini?" asks the bartender.

The Roman replies, "If I wanted a double, I would have asked for one!"

A man went to buy 5 undies, so he said, "Hi, 5 undies, please, 1 for each weekday." Then another man comes and said, "Hi, 7 undies please, 1 for each day, and they'll finish cleaning by Sunday." So the cashier said, "Now that's more like it!" And then another person said, "Hi, 12 undies please, wait, I'm gonna double check... January... fe"

I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium, you're "being a respectful friend." Do it at home and you're "destroying evidence."

Stephen Hawking died because his wife misunderstood him when he said, "My Windows Needs Updating." She had the double glazing removed, and he fell out and died.

What number is better than 69?

88 'cause you get ate twice.

Is shooting and killing a pregnant woman a spawn kill or double kill?

When you see someone with a double chin that’s sad:

Hey come on, man, keep your chin up. Wait, which one?

Why do Orphans sleep in a double bed?

Because their parents can't!

A: What did the podiatrist say to the double amputee?

Q: Sorry, but I can't help you.

Yo mama is so fat, when she was a spy, she was called "double obese."

What do you call someone with notorious special needs and an extra chromosome?

The double trouble.

A man walks into a bar carrying a big chunk of asphalt and says to the bartender, “Make mine a double Scotch and one more for the road.”

Sans: I like eating ketchup, don't believe me? It's ASRIEL as it gets!

UT Sans to UT pap: You FORGHETTIE the spaghetti!!!

Ink sans: umm lust? That's INKAPPROPRIATE!

Fell sans: I hate these double standards...if you burn a body at a crematorium you're doing "a good job," do it at home and your "destroying evidence."

Error sans: Every time you make a typo, the errorists win.

My mom said she would miss me if I committed suicide, so we made it double.

Water to his Dad, Steam: Hi, Dad, I mist you!

Steam: double-you(w). aich(h). ay(a). tee(t)?

My friend talking to fat boi: "I can order you at McDonald's: Double Big Mac, triple quarter pounder cheeseburger."

What did the orphan get for Christmas? Nothing, because his parents ran away.

Double whammy. Orphan jokes are like a kid with cancer; it never gets old. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣👌👌👌👌👌

This is why they don't want to sell the Double Manhattan in pubs anymore.

Time for double joke Tuesday.

What is a bird's favorite letter?

A C gull.

So I won a round of CSGO with my team, then on VC, some kid trash talked me.

Kid: You're a dick, you know!

Me: And you're a pussy, you know?

What do you call a Twinkie with two pairs of pants?

Double trousers.