Why do priests like kids in wheelchairs? Because they can’t run.
Police: Where do you live?
Me: With my parents.
Police: Where do your parents live?
Me: With me.
Police: Where do you all live?
Me: Together.
Police: Where is your house?
Me: Next to my neighbor.
Police: Where is your neighbor’s house?
Me: If I tell you, you won't believe me.
Police: Tell me.
Me: Next to my house.
What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat miner.
A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, “Hey mister, it’s getting really dark and I’m scared.” The man replies, “How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.”
What do you call a smart person in America?
A tourist.
What do you call an asian kid who's bad at math?
An orphan.
I asked an emo, "Do they get jealous when their phone dies?"
What do you call a special police officer?
Officer down!
How do computers get drunk?
They take a screenshot.
Why do ducks have feathers?
To cover their butt-quack.
Little Johnny asks, "Mommy, where do babies come from?"
His mother replies, "The stork brings them."
Little Johnny, puzzled, asks, "Then who fucks the stork?"
A husband got a message from his neighbor one day. It read, "Hey, I'm sorry I had to tell you like this but I have been doing your wife for months now." The husband went to go grab his gun and shot his wife. He hid the evidence and a few hours later he got another message from his neighbor saying, "Sorry, meant using your wifi."
How do you get a nun pregnant? -- Dress her up as an alter boy.
Bf: What do you think about our love?
Gf: Count the stars in the sky.
Bf: Aww, it's infinity.
Gf: Nope, just a waste of time.
What do you call a sad cup of coffee?
Answer: Depresso.
What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?
Gang rape.
Why do vegetarians give anonymous blowjobs at the glory hole at an adult book store? Because they don't want anybody to find out that they like meat.
Why do people in a wheelchair make bad jokes? Because they are bad at stand-up.
What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A roamin' Catholic.
What do you call a nose without a body? -- Nobody knows.
