DoS jokes
How do you make a fruit punch?
You give it a pair of boxing gloves.
What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? You slap her on the ass and tell her to get back to work.
What do you call a teenage boy who doesn’t masturbate?
A liar.
How do women make you a millionaire?
When you're a billionaire.
What do you call a Catholic priest who molests children?
A Catholic priest.
Memes
What do you need in order to crash a train?
A bad track record.
Why do people not play Uno with Mexicans? Because they are always stealing the green cards.
What do you call a swimming terrorist?
A bath bomb.
Why are Japanese people's eyes so squinted?
Do you know how bright an atomic bomb is?
what do you call a retard smoking weed?
a baked potato.
What do fat demons hate? Exorcise.
What do Paul Walker and I have in common? Neither of us have seen Fast and the Furious 7.
What do you call a feminine cow?
A dairy queen.
A blind man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bartender replies with, "I'm blonde, the man working next to me is blonde, the woman next to you is blonde, and the fat guy behind you is blonde." Then says, "Do you really wanna tell the blonde joke?" The blind guy responds with, "No, I don't wanna tell it that many times."
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter, he isn't coming to you.
Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap.
He was high on my list of priorities.
Why do basketball players like cookies? Because they can dunk them!
What do you call a bee that lives in America? A USB.
Why do they have air conditioning in hospitals?
To keep all the vegetables fresh.
What do you call an epileptic kid eating fruits?
A blender.