DoS jokes
How do you make a fruit punch?
You give it a pair of boxing gloves.
How do women make you a millionaire?
When you're a billionaire.
What do the movies The 6th Sense and Titanic have in common?
Icy dead people.
What do you call a Catholic priest who molests children?
A Catholic priest.
What do you need in order to crash a train?
A bad track record.
Memes
Why do people not play Uno with Mexicans? Because they are always stealing the green cards.
What do you call a swimming terrorist?
A bath bomb.
Why are Japanese people's eyes so squinted?
Do you know how bright an atomic bomb is?
what do you call a retard smoking weed?
a baked potato.
How do you blindfold an Asian?
With dental floss.
How do you know when an orphan is lying?
When they say, "I swear on my mother's life."
What do Paul Walker and I have in common? Neither of us have seen Fast and the Furious 7.
What do fat demons hate? Exorcise.
What do you call a feminine cow?
A dairy queen.
A blind man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bartender replies with, "I'm blonde, the man working next to me is blonde, the woman next to you is blonde, and the fat guy behind you is blonde." Then says, "Do you really wanna tell the blonde joke?" The blind guy responds with, "No, I don't wanna tell it that many times."
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter, he isn't coming to you.
Today my stoner friend used my to-do list as a blunt wrap.
He was high on my list of priorities.
Why do basketball players like cookies? Because they can dunk them!
What do you get when you cross a road with a stalker?
Raped.
What do you call a bee that lives in America? A USB.