People say that life is short.
I say... life is the longest thing we ever do.
DoS Jokes
Why do feminists believe that they can act like a bitch towards men if they want to? Because they were born without a penis.
Me having a good day. Going on a walk on a peaceful day.
My depression: hey, what's up!
Me: go away.
My depression: well how rude.
Me: 🙄.
My depression: remember that one time......
Me: no, don't even.
My depression: that we.....
Me: nope.
My depression: *says really fast*: said that one stupid joke that wasn't funny and everybody just stared at you, and then you spilled water all over yourself and it looked like you peed yourself. And you went home and cried yourself to sleep just like you do every single night.
Me: 😳😶😟.
My depression: 😉 don't worry I'll always be here for you.
Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what they're doing and the father says: "Well...we're making you a brother." So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he's going to have a brother soon.
The next day when little Jonny's father comes home, Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what's wrong. Jonny cries: "I won't have a baby brother!" His father is confused. "What do you mean?" he asks. "Because the mailman came by today and ate him!"
Do you want to know why they call it an orphanage? Because they couldn't call it orphans home.
What do you call a dad in the mirror?
(Your imagination.)
I have a fish that can breakdance only for 20 seconds, and he can only do it once.
What do you call it when a friend calms his suicidal friend? "Hang in there, buddy."
Your forehead is so big it gets home before you do.
How do orphans have a family reunion? They look in the mirror.
Do you want to hear a money joke? "Never mind, it makes no cents."
Where do cows get their medicine?
At the farmacy.
How do you make 7 an even number? Take the "s" out!
How do you get a man with only one arm out of a tree?
Wave.
Do you want to know how to make a Smurf? CHOKE A MIDGET!
What do you say after committing incest?
No Chromo!
What do pedophiles and Xboxes have in common?
They both get turned on by kids.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
A “Lickalottapuss”.
What do you call a sheep covered in chocolate?
A candy baa.
What do turtles and lesbians have in common? They both choke on plastic.
