DoS jokes

What do you call a nose without a body? -- Nobody knows.

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to the Super Bowl game.

They had great seats right behind their team's bench.

After the game, the guy asked his girlfriend how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it!" she replied, "Especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, "What do you mean?"

She said, "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!' I’m like, hellooooo! It’s only 25 cents!"

Why did the Catholic priest suck dick at a glory hole?

Because someone asked him what he would do for a Klondike bar.

What do you call a cute door?

Adoorable.

Dad: Son, everyone in your class got COVID.

Son (in a happy tone): I know.

Dad: How do you know and why are you so glad?

Son: Well, yesterday you told me to spread positivity.

What type of tape do kidnappers use?

Abduct-Tape.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? -- A stick.

How do you circumcise someone from Alabama?

Kick his sister's jaw.

It's funny how Stephen Hawking sounds like Stephen walking or Stephen talking, but he can't do any of those things.

What do TVs and girls have in common?

They both show you stuff when you turn them on!

A German, an Australian, and a Mexican are on a plane. They say that they can tell where they are by sticking their hands out of the pane.

The German sticks his hand out and says, "We are in Germany." The others ask, "How do you know?" The German says, "Because it's so cold."

Then the Australian sticks his hand out and says, "We are in Australia." The others ask, "How do you know?" He replies, "Because it's so warm."

Then the Mexican sticks his hand out and back in. He says, "We are in Mexico." The others ask, "How do you know?" He says, "Because my watch is gone."

What do you call a white person having a seizure?

A vanilla shake.

Why do people like dating us emo girls? Because of the texture on our thighs.

Q: What do you get when you cross a cow and a smurf?

A: Blue cheese.

What do you call disabled people in a hot tub? -- Vegetable soup.

Nike isn't helpful for suicidal people. You can't tell them to "Just Do It."

Nobody notices your pain, tears, struggles, but why do they notice your mistakes?

How many Karens does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one...to call 911 and demand a cop come do something about the intimidating blackness.

If you were on the Titanic and you didn't leave the ship, what would you do? Just let that sink in.

Why do people from Alabama abhor eating tacos and burritos?

Because their meat has to be in bread.