What is Mozart doing right now? -- Decomposing.
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to the Super Bowl game.
They had great seats right behind their team's bench.
After the game, the guy asked his girlfriend how she liked the experience.
"Oh, I really liked it!" she replied, "Especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, "What do you mean?"
She said, "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!' I’m like, hellooooo! It’s only 25 cents!"
What do you call a cute door?
Adoorable.
Dad: Son, everyone in your class got COVID.
Son (in a happy tone): I know.
Dad: How do you know and why are you so glad?
Son: Well, yesterday you told me to spread positivity.
Why did the Catholic priest suck dick at a glory hole?
Because someone asked him what he would do for a Klondike bar.
How do you circumcise someone from Alabama?
Kick his sister's jaw.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? -- A stick.
What do you call an athlete who injured 75% of his spine?
A quarterback.
What do you call a blind racist?
A not see.
What do you call a white person having a seizure?
A vanilla shake.
Q: What do you get when you cross a cow and a smurf?
A: Blue cheese.
⚠️I’m not racist it’s just a joke⚠️
What do you call four black ppl in a sleeping bag?
A Kit Kat
What do SpongeBob and Asians have in common?
They're both yellow and can't drive.
If you were on the Titanic and you didn't leave the ship, what would you do? Just let that sink in.
What do you call disabled people in a hot tub? -- Vegetable soup.
It's funny how Stephen Hawking sounds like Stephen walking or Stephen talking, but he can't do any of those things.
What type of tape do kidnappers use?
Abduct-Tape.
What do cannibals call pregnant women? A kinder surprise.
What kind of shoes do kidnappers wear?
White vans.
Why do people from Alabama abhor eating tacos and burritos?
Because their meat has to be in bread.
