Dont jokes
Two Timetravers walk into a bar...
...the bartender then said, "Sorry, we don't serve Timetravers here."
The baby water bottle said to the mommy water bottle, "Mommy, I lost my teddy bear." The mommy water bottle said, "Why don't you RECAP on what you said?"
Me: Why did the bus drop his ice cream?
Sanity to live: I don't know?
Me: He was run over by Timmy!!!
Sanity to live? *dies*
Me: *At edge of bridge* Wow, sweet view.
Sanity to live: *resurrected*
Narrator: Sometimes a bridge is all you need...
(sponsored by jumping bridges)
I learned that humans eat more bananas than monkeys...
Huh, I don’t recall ever eating a monkey!
"The only way I'd want to be reincarnated is if I can be reincarnated as a man," said the young woman.
"Why?" said her friend.
"Oh, I don't know, just men are so cool,"
"Is that the only reason?" said her friend.
"Maybe........" said the young woman. "Maybe."
Friend: Hey, did you catch that game last night? I did, it was so good! After that I went to Kane’s, because Kane's is amazing! What did you do this weekend? I did-
Me: Dude, are you the Terms and Conditions? Because I don’t give a fuck about what you say.
A: It’s very delicious! Great! Fantastic!
B: Thank you.
A: People don’t speak when they eat delicious foods!
I tried my best to think of some puns, but I'm gonna have tibia honest: I don't have any puns left, but I'm pretty sternum, so I'll think of a few puns here and there. It took a lot of spine to do this.
I walked up to 2 people kissing and stared.
After a little while, they asked me if I minded. I said no, I don’t mind.
Wanna hear a skeleton joke?
Sorry, I don't have the guts to tell it.
Why don't bulls play archery? They might hit a bulls-eye.
Did you walk up Stephen Hawking's drive?
Don’t worry, he didn’t either.
When people say they get ho's: You don't get no ho's, the only ho's you get is in yo draws.
Why are there only 363 days in an orphan's calendar?
They don’t have fathers or Mother’s Day.
If you are a big fan of me, go to the movie and I kill the bad guys. If you don't, I will be mad and I will be sonic.exe lol.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
Little old lady, you don't need to yodel about it. Yodel who? Yodel who?
Knock, knock. Who's there? Boo. Boo who? Don't cry, it's just a joke!
Why do some kids only experience 364 days per year?
Because they don't have a Father's Day.
I asked my dad to come to my Father’s Day breakfast.
The orphanage worker just said, “Don’t be silly!”
This dude is so fat, wearing the same damn clothes every day. Every time he turns around, it's his graduation day. He forgot to put a boomerang on his pants because they don't even fit anymore. Last time I saw him coming down the street, it was in a bucket of Popeye's chicken, extra crispy.