Dont jokes

My bf: Knock knock.

Me: Who's there?

My bf: Ice cream.

Me: Ice cream who?

My bf: I scream if you don't let me see that smoking hot body!

What's a rock band that has four men that don't sing?

Mount Rushmore.

Orphans are human too! They have parents like all of us, so I don't know why they're saying it's fun to make fun of an orphan. Have you ever been too cold and wondered if your parents are going to have another child and not you? That's not funny! It is %9000,000 NO!!!!!!!!!!

I don’t drink, don’t swear, don’t smoke, shit, I left my cigarettes at the fucking bar! (Andrew Dice Clay.)

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Boo.

Boo who?

Awww, don't cry!

Leukophobic people don’t have sex. Leukophobia is the fear of white.

I don't understand why people hide under their blankets. It's not like the killer's gonna be like, "I'm gonna kill-....ahh man he's under his blanket."

Brother: Your eyebrows look hella bad.

Sister: I don’t even think you know what eyebrows are supposed to look like because you have none.

If you are a banana, why don't you eat a banana?

Oh right, you'd be a cannibal. I mean a banan-i-ball.

What's the difference between fruit and a freshly killed corpse?

I don't eat the fruit.

Why do the French eat snails?

They don’t like fast food!

I don't think jokes are very funny.

Student asks teacher, "If I throw an apple and noodles, which one will fall first?"

Teacher replied, "I don't know."

Then student replied, "Noodles will fall first because noodles are fast foods!"

In the Middle Ages it was illegal for a blind man to become a king.

I mean, I don't see why not.

I'm really bad at giving directions, but don't take that the wrong way.

When the phone is ringing, Dad says, "If it's for me, don't answer it."

If you are on here, don’t hate. There will be rude ones, but it doesn’t matter.

I asked my girlfriend if she was a smoke alarm. She said, "Is it because I warned him when hotness came?" I said, "No, you don’t shut up!"

What's the difference between a chicken and me? None, they both don't watch right and left before crossing the road.

Evan, this is Mya, and your mom told me you were adopted, so we are done. Bye, don’t talk to me.