Dog jokes
My uncle named his dogs Timex and Rolex. They're his watch dogs.
I had asked my dog what 2 - 2 is...
She said nothing.
So you know there's like dog mixes, right? Like a Snoodle and that stuff, right? So why can't a bulldog and a shih tzu be mixed? 'Cause if they did, it would be called bullshit.
It's amazing how dog owners can make their dogs shout different things. For example, Czech dogs go "barf," American dogs go "woof," and Chinese dogs go "sizzle."
What happened when the dog played golf?
He hit the ball into the ruff.
Memes
One time the dog got bit by a snake, so my dad had to shoot it. My dad said to me, "This is what's going to happen to your little brother." "What little brother?" Exactly.
What do dogs do when they lose their tail?
They go to the retail store.
There's nothing else that can beat up dog.
What's up, dog?
Just my depression!
Why did Helen Keller's dog run away?
You would too if your name was "Raraaaughhaugh."
Why couldn't the annoying dog get on Papyrus's nerves?
HE'S A SKELETON. HE DOESN'T HAVE ANY.
How do you know when you have been invited to a gay barbecue?
When you are unable to distinguish foot-long hot dogs from long and thick big dicks, regardless of skin color.
Why are Asians good at math?
Because the dog can’t eat their homework.
"Officer, don’t arrest me, she said she was 5 in dog years!"
What is the name of Hellen Keller's dog?
NYAHHH NYAHH NYUUUU NYAAHHHAADUUDU!
Why did Hellen Keller's dogs run away?
Because wouldn't you runway too if your name was djhdhekdndyekedhekekfjkfurir?
Me: What has two legs and bleeds?
Friend: Um, women? Obviously?
Me: Actually, half a dog. So you're still right.
I can’t take my dog to the park anymore.
Why?
The ducks keep trying to eat him.
Why would they do that?
Because he’s pure-bread.
I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That's what I get for buying a pure bred dog.
What does a dog do in a dresser?
It pants!
Tuesday, I was looking at my family tree, and two dogs were using it.