I had asked my dog what 2 - 2 is...
She said nothing.
It's amazing how dog owners can make their dogs shout different things. For example, Czech dogs go "barf," American dogs go "woof," and Chinese dogs go "sizzle."
What happened when the dog played golf?
He hit the ball into the ruff.
One time the dog got bit by a snake, so my dad had to shoot it. My dad said to me, "This is what's going to happen to your little brother." "What little brother?" Exactly.
What do dogs do when they lose their tail?
They go to the retail store.
There's nothing else that can beat up dog.
What's up, dog?
Just my depression!
Why did Helen Keller's dog run away?
You would too if your name was "Raraaaughhaugh."
Why aren't dogs good at dancing? Cuz they have 2 left feet!
What do you call an Italian dog?
A labra-noodle.
My dog got mad at me for touching his toy. He said, "Get your paws off my toy!"
Why was the dog so stressed out?
It had a ruff day.
Why aren't dogs known as carrots? Because they aren't.
What do royals and hot dogs have in common?
They're usually in bread.
Why did the dog want a kiss? Because he can see his knees.
Q: What's the similarity between a dog and a bed?
A: I can jump on my bed. A: And I use a pillow on both of them.
The other day my girlfriend asked me to hand her the red lipstick, so I handed her the dog.
Q: If cats have cat babies, dogs have dog babies, and tigers have tiger babies, what do fish have?
A: Eggs.
A teenage girl got a summer job dogsitting for a gigantic English Mastiff. She spent hours with the dog, and walked a little funny when she got home.
"What are you doing all day?"
"Knot a lot."
I named my dog Stone so that I can say to people that I throw stones every day.
What’s the difference between a dog and a marine biologist?
One wags its tail, and the other tags a whale!
