Dog jokes

A man had moved to a new country with his dog and with basic understanding of the language. One day he heard people talking about a place for dogs, so he took his dog there, telling them he wanted his dog to be groomed.

The man behind the counter responded with "yes happy dog, come back in little hours." So the man left and came back a couple hours later. When he asked about his dog, he was given a box of jerky. He found out "Happy Dog" was the name of the place where dogs become food.

SOOOO my sister said her first bad word yesterday. "Shit." My mum was like, "What did you just say, child?"

Sister: "I said the cat shits inside like the dog shi- uh oh......"

Now I've avoided this stuff by making my own word: Sugarplum. Sugarplum = shit...

My sister made some pie, and it tasted horribly... so I said this.... "This pie is very sugarplum-y." She said, "What do you mean by that?" I said, "It tastes like sugarplums..."

I had asked my dog what 2 - 2 is...

She said nothing.

So you know there's like dog mixes, right? Like a Snoodle and that stuff, right? So why can't a bulldog and a shih tzu be mixed? 'Cause if they did, it would be called bullshit.

My uncle named his dogs Timex and Rolex. They're his watch dogs.

It's amazing how dog owners can make their dogs shout different things. For example, Czech dogs go "barf," American dogs go "woof," and Chinese dogs go "sizzle."

What happened when the dog played golf?

He hit the ball into the ruff.

One time the dog got bit by a snake, so my dad had to shoot it. My dad said to me, "This is what's going to happen to your little brother." "What little brother?" Exactly.

What do dogs do when they lose their tail?

They go to the retail store.

There's nothing else that can beat up dog.

What's up, dog?

Just my depression!

Why did Helen Keller's dog run away?

You would too if your name was "Raraaaughhaugh."

How do you know when you have been invited to a gay barbecue?

When you are unable to distinguish foot-long hot dogs from long and thick big dicks, regardless of skin color.

"Officer, don’t arrest me, she said she was 5 in dog years!"

What is the name of Hellen Keller's dog?

NYAHHH NYAHH NYUUUU NYAAHHHAADUUDU!

Why did Hellen Keller's dogs run away?

Because wouldn't you runway too if your name was djhdhekdndyekedhekekfjkfurir?

Me: What has two legs and bleeds?

Friend: Um, women? Obviously?

Me: Actually, half a dog. So you're still right.

I can’t take my dog to the park anymore.

Why?

The ducks keep trying to eat him.

Why would they do that?

Because he’s pure-bread.

I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That's what I get for buying a pure bred dog.

What does a dog do in a dresser?

It pants!

Tuesday, I was looking at my family tree, and two dogs were using it.