Dog jokes
What do you call a house with dog hair?
A shed.
If a dog made a computer, it would have a mega bite.
What do you call a cross between a priest and a child?
The cross shoved up the priest’s ass as he ‘downward dogs’ the kid.
How does the dog dance?
He doesn't... he's dead.
Every culture has weird food.
Australians eat vegemite. The British eat haggis. The French eat snails. The Chinese eat dogs. The Americans eat their young siblings' private parts.
What did the squirrel say to the dog?
"There are nuts in your poop. I found them!"
What do dogs do that trees don't do?
Answer: They bark!
badoom ching
For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?
A teenage girl got a summer job dogsitting for a gigantic English Mastiff. She spent hours with the dog, and walked a little funny when she got home.
"What are you doing all day?"
"Knot a lot."
After seeing you sing, the dog got disinfected from rabies.
You call me a prostitute's son, I call you test-tube babies.
Q: Why can emos wear dog collars at school, but people can't wear hats? WTF school!
Q: What do you call a dog that stepped in its own shit?
A: I don't know.
What do you call a dog in China?
E10
I started crying when dad was cutting onions.
Onions was such a good dog.
My uncle named his dogs Timex and Rolex. They're his watch dogs.
Little Johnny got a dog without ears, and then they invited their neighbors over. Then they asked what his name was. The owners said, "We didn't name him anything, because there's no reason. Because when we called his name, he wouldn't come."
There are 50 dogs and 48 cats.
How many are hungry?
A. 10
Why did the dog want a kiss? Because he can see his knees.
So, this guy, right? He has been through the worst shit in his life. He lost his house, his car, his wife, his kids, everything except his dog.
About 2 weeks after he loses everything, he goes to apply for a job. He attends work for the first 2 weeks to get his first paycheck and then calls in sick for about a month. He comes back to his boss' office after the month is over and his boss questions him. The man claims, "Sir, I was blowing chunks." "What do you mean by 'blowing chunks'?" says the boss. The man replies with, "Chunks is the name of my dog..."
I have a dog named Syndrome.
But it gets kinda awkward when he jumps on someone and I have to shout, "DOWN SYNDROME!"