Doesnt jokes
What did the orphan's mom say to him when he got into trouble?
Nothing, because he doesn't know his parents...
So, one day I walk up to my sister and tell her that she is adopted because she doesn't look like anyone in the family. She starts to cry. My mom asks why she's crying, and I say I told her she was adopted and I was there for the adoption, and we have papers. It was all a lie. She is not adopted, and everything is fine.
I have a daughter; she’s a fan. Her name is Penny. Fan she was born on the mountain Pen y Fan. I adopted her because her mum fell off the cliff after birthing Penny. It doesn’t matter, really; Penny’s mum wasn’t a big fan of her anyway.
Jesus Christ does exist, he does, and he is the son of God... a God that doesn't exist XD
What is the difference between a refrigerator and a baby?
The refrigerator doesn't cry when I put my meat in it.
Why doesn't The View have anyone on it who is trans? They just look like they are.
Why can’t someone say "ur mums gay" to an orphan? Because he doesn’t have a mum.
Mozart doesn't care if Bach is better than him; at least he puts a lot of emotion [into his music and] he makes people happy.
What’s the difference between Burger King and Ron Jeremy?
BK doesn’t sell real meat.
When the school shooter runs out of ammo: K a l m.
When he grabs a full mag: P a n i k.
When he looks back and doesn't see you, but you're hiding in one of the classrooms: K a l m.
When the autistic kid's Sketchers light up: P A N I K.
Papyrus: I hate you, Frisk.
Frisk: This is why Mettaton doesn't fucking love you.
Sans: Kid, I will kill you.
Papyrus: (Remembers something) That's why you don't have a lover, you lonely giraffe!
In Africa, it doesn't matter if you're gay, straight, or bisexual.
At the end of the day, it's night.
I don't know why my boyfriend's dad doesn't like me. Maybe because we had sex?
At night in the Nunnery, one Nun says to the other Nun, "Where's the candle?" The other Nun says, "Doesn't it!"
A German, a Swiss, and a Russian make a bet: whoever has the most forest area in their country wins about 10,000 euros.
First, they fly over Switzerland: 8,000 square kilometers of forest. The German starts getting cold feet, as he doesn't think he'll win. Next, they fly over Russia: 50,000 square kilometers of forest. The German realizes he doesn't stand a chance unless he cheats.
When they fly over Germany, they see 10,000 square kilometers of forest. The German seems to have won, but then the Swiss shouts: "That's a tree!" The German was accused of fraud.
The German is furious. He calls the head of the Bundeswehr: "Why did the tree move?!" The boss said, "I'll put the guy who moved on the line," and passed the receiver over.
"Why did you move?" the German asked.
The young man replied: "Okay, when a dog came along and peed on my trunk, that was still fine. But then a bear came along and rubbed against my trunk..."
Why is the fat man roping himself to the side of a mountain?
So he doesn't roll back down!
It's a shame Iran doesn't know how to restrain Israel. If only they had Hitler's expertise.
Now he really would be THE FINAL SOLUTION!
Why doesn't a teddy bear eat? Because it is already stuffed.
"Actions speak louder than words."
This doesn't apply to Stephen Hawking, however...
What is the difference between an emo kid and a jug of milk?
The milk doesn't hang itself after it gets dumped.