DOE jokes
What kind of experience does a feminist have?
Being a bitch.
What does a perverted frog say?
"Rubbit."
What does a nun say when you ask too many questions?
"Nunya business!"
How does a Muslim close a door? He islams it.
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they just arrest the lightbulb for being broke and beat the room for being black.
Yo momma is so fat, her bellybutton gets home 15 minutes before she does.
How many kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
Apparently not 27. Because my basement's still dark...
A man drinks beer and jumps off a tower, and he's okay. The other guy says, "Whoa, how'd you do that?"
He does it again, so the guy gets a beer, the same beer, and jumps off. He died.
The bartender looks at the original man who jumped off and says, "Superman, you're a real butthole whenever you're drunk."
The sky never changes color, but when it does, we know how your breath is increasing.
What does an astronaut call his ex from space?
SpaceX.
What does a cannibal call a pregnant person?
A Kinder Surprise.
What school subject does an orphan love?
PE because they actually get picked.
How many cancer patients does it take to change a lightbulb? 10, 1 to change the lightbulb, 9 to talk about how inspired they are?
What does "off-limits" have in common with dead people? They can’t see their family.
Why did the depressed person rob a bank? Because you're not killing yourself if a cop does it for you!
A drunk guy is showing friends his new apartment.
The last stop is the bedroom, where a big brass gong sits next to the bed.
"What's that gong for?" the friend asks him.
"It's not a gong," the drunk replies. "It's a talking clock."
"How does it work?"
The guy picks up a hammer, gives the gong an ear-shattering pound, and steps back.
Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screams, "For God's sake, you asshole, it's 3:30 in the god damn morning!"
Why does everyone get offended at female firefighters?
Like seriously, if your house is on fire and burning, you wouldn't really care if the person saving you had a low IQ, right?
What does the 'w' in Africa stand for? Water.
A man and a cow are stuck on train tracks, and there is a train in the distance about to hit both of them. A vegan sees this and tries to help. Who does he save, the man or the cow?
Neither. He isn't strong enough to lift either of them.
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.