DOE jokes
A man goes to a doctor and says he's having problems shitting, so the doctor gives him an enema and says he needs to do it a few times at home, but does the first one for him. So the guy bends over the table, lubes him up, and shoves it deep in him, and he yells.
So later, the man goes home and tells his wife he needs her help with the enema. So he bends over, she lubes him up, puts a hand on his shoulder, and she shoves it up there, and he starts screaming and cussing, and the wife asks, "Did I hurt you?" He said, "No, I just realized when the doctor did it, he had both hands on my shoulders."
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Well, it's not 8 because my basement is still dark.
What's the difference between a penis and a gun?
A child doesn't cry when a gun goes off in its mouth.
A note for my old English Teacher:
Mr. Colin, who loves making a din, He thinks everyone loves him, but little does he know, That's not what everyone shows, About his life he ploughs and ploughs, About his dog Bella and his relationship woes... Mr. Colin, we do not care, When you speak, our minds are not there, Your life you have unnecessarily shared, When we see you, our eyesight is impaired... Mr. Colin, rumbling about his exceptions, Just when someone puts something in the bin, Or chatters to someone, not even causing a din, But Mr. Colin, drinking too much gin, Will flail all his annoying attention on him, He'll push his limits, right to the rim...
And just how I love flan! Oh, he's finally gone!
Why does Technoblade love orphans?
'Cause he can relate to their parents!
If you drink hand sanitizer, does it only kill 99.9% of you?...........💀
Teacher: What does a chicken give you?
Student: An egg!
Teacher: What does a fat cow give you?
Student: Homework!
What do a "transgender" woman's favorite song and his/her last online order have in common?
~they're both a dick in a box.
How does Jesus whistle?
By blowing through the holes in his hands.
What does the cannibal eat who comes late for dinner?
The cold shoulder.
How many time does it take to cook a baby in a microwave?
I don’t know, I can’t count while masturbating.
What do fire and people have in common?
They will both eventually die out.
What do the initials BIBLE stand for?
"Bullshit In Book Lacking Evidence."
What does a serial killer make for breakfast?
Scrambled legs and toes.
Why does Stephen Hawking do one liners?
Because he can't do standup.
What does a girl want more than anything in the world?
Nothing. She's fine.
What does one boob say to the other boob?
If we don’t get support, people will think we’re nuts.
Q: How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Don't be stupid, feminists can't change anything.
What does my dad have in common with Nemo?
They both can’t be found.
What game does an emo hate the most?
Life!