DOE jokes
How does Jesus whistle?
By blowing through the holes in his hands.
Why does Stephen Hawking do one liners?
Because he can't do standup.
What does a serial killer make for breakfast?
Scrambled legs and toes.
How many time does it take to cook a baby in a microwave?
I don’t know, I can’t count while masturbating.
What do fire and people have in common?
They will both eventually die out.
What does the cannibal eat who comes late for dinner?
The cold shoulder.
What does a girl want more than anything in the world?
Nothing. She's fine.
Why does everyone get offended at female firefighters?
Like seriously, if your house is on fire and burning, you wouldn't really care if the person saving you had a low IQ, right?
Q: Why does Helen Keller masturbate with only one hand?
A: She moans with the other.
What does my dad have in common with Nemo?
They both can’t be found.
What game does an emo hate the most?
Life!
What does a condom and a coffin have in common?
They both still have stiffs, but one is coming and one is going.
How does an artist fill in a CV?
He draws on experience.
How does a blind person know they've wiped their ass enough?
What does one boob say to the other boob?
If we don’t get support, people will think we’re nuts.
Q: How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Don't be stupid, feminists can't change anything.
Why does the Sun go to school?
To get brighter!
What does a kid with cancer and dark humor have in common? They never get old.
This joke does not work in print, you have to speak it to someone.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Helen Keller.
Helen Keller who?
(Don't say anything).
Helen Keller who?
...you will get a laugh...ty.
So, there are these 3 strings, they walk into a bar. People are giving them looks. The small chap is your typical thin cord. He walks to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. He replies, "Oii, your kind ain't welcomed here, so take your drink, mates, and fuck off."
He goes back to his mates and says, "We'd better get outta here." "Nonsense," replies the mid guy, he's your typical string. Goes to the barman and same story. Finally the last guy, he's your typical rope. He burst out, "Fuck this!" He twits and ties himself whilst messing up his hair. He struts up to the barman and asks for a rum and coke. The barman does so and whilst he prepares the drink, he opens with, "Say, aren't you a string?" "No, I'm a frayed knot."