What does a person that’s high and Helen Keller have in common?
Both stare off into space.
DOE Jokes
I walk in from work to find my wife dead on the sofa.
As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of sick fuck does that?
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? One, you just need to throw it hard enough.
How does a blonde turn the light off after sex?
She closes the car door.
What does Helen Keller say when she touches a basketball?
Duhhuuughhhr.
One afternoon, a man was walking to a bar after work. Across the street, an Irish nun stood there waving her arms at the man. "Look at this poor drunkard! The Lord does not love him! He will be sent to Hell!" the nun shouted.
The man walked over to the nun. "Hey! I had a hard day at work! I was going to get ONE beer! Have you ever even tried a drink before?" the man asked. The nun looked down and shook her head. "Well, if you tried it, you would probably like it! Would you want to try something?" the man asked. The nun replied, "Okay, only one thing."
"What would you like?" asked the man. He offered her beer and whiskey, but she declined. "How about a little gin?" the man concluded. "Okay, sure. But, can you ask them to put it in a mug so people don't see what I'm drinking?" asked the nun.
"Fine," the man walks into the bar and waves to the bartender. "Hey, can I have a bottle of beer and a bit of gin? Also, can that be in a mug?" asked the man. The bartender looked up, with fury in his eyes. "Don't tell me that damn nun is out there again!" the bartender said.
Why does Technoblade make orphan jokes?
'Cuz he's the Father!!!
What does a priest and time have in common? They're both predators.
What does a bullied kid say during a game of Kahoot?
"I'd like to Kahoot up this school."
How does a kid with no arms or legs like a video on YouTube when they say smash the like button?
They literally smash the like button "uuuuuugghghhhgBANG!"
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change the bulb and one to suck my dick.
What does a Jamaican guy say to an Asian?
Poke me, mon.
What does a South African Batman wear? A cape.
How many wives does Santa have?
Ho Ho Ho!
Why does a giraffe need such a long neck?
Because its head is so far away from its body.
How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
Why does a duck have tail feathers?
To cover his butt-quack.
What does a bar fly and a necrophiliac have in common?
They both enjoy a cold one once in a while.
Johnny had 55 pineapples. He threw three at his friend. How many does he have now?
None, because he was pistol whipped then shot at point blank range with a sawed off shotgun covered in fluoroantimonic acid which burned a hole in his skull causing his brain to melt and rupture nerve cells all over his friends. Then his arms and legs were stuffed into a wheat thresher which was used to harvest the meat of the enslaved children. Then his corpse was molested.
How does the dog dance?
He doesn't... he's dead.
