DOE jokes
(I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes.)
What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
I was going to tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead.
Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? They’re painful to look at.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
How long does it take to blow up a baby in the microwave?
I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate...
20 fridges are loaded onto a plane, only 19 come off.
Okay, moving on, you took too long. How many steps does it take to put an elephant into a fridge? (*Their reply:* Idk how many)
3: Open the fridge, put the elephant into the fridge, and close the door.
How do you put a giraffe into the fridge? (*Their reply:* 3...)
Wrong, 4: Open the fridge, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe, and close the door.
Why did Sully fall off the swing? A fridge fell on her.
Why does Adam go hockey, you might ask?
In my opinion, he shouldn't go because he is bad, but he needs the armor to protect himself from his own step-dad.
What does a French woman say when you ask her what her favorite video game is? "Oui, oui!"
How long does it take a baby to cook in the microwave?
I don't know. I close my eyes when I masturbate.
Why does Sally hate herself? Because Sophie stole her boy.
How many tickles does it take for an octopus to laugh?
What shoes does a pedophile wear?
White vans.
Why does Adam sleep early so his mum and stepdad can fuck on his bed?
What kind of mountain does everyone like?
Mountain Dew!!! Hahah.
How many dead strippers does it take to change a light?
At least 13 because my basement is still dark.
Why does Helen Keller look in the toilet after taking a poop?
Nobody knows!
Does chocolate milk come from black cows?
What does the sign say on the hooker house after they were on lockdown?
Answer: "We're on lockdown, get lost pervert."
Hi guys, I'm going to be out for 3 days. Also, quote for the day and advice.
Quote. (Made by me) Don't look back at tomorrow; just look forward today. There are new thoughts, strength, and ideas.
Advice. Sometimes ppl have opinions, and those opinions are probably what you don't like, but don't bring negativity on them just because of what they're saying. If you chose, you probably say, "I don't understand that statement, but it does sound good." This is not a drama site; it's a joking site.
P.S. No hating in these comments.
Why does Adam buy airsoft guns, you might ask?
To defend himself against his own father... his life must be shit.
How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.
How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall red?
It depends on how hard you throw them.
How many oz of water does it take to screw a light bulb?
None, also what the heck are you doing with water when people in Africa don’t have any?