DOE jokes
How do cows say "oof?"
They say, "MOOf."
Q: Where does a one-legged waitress work?
A: IHOP.
Q. What's the difference between people and a toilet?
A. Neither does R. Kelly.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how many you throw.
GUY 1: How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?
GUY 2: Depends on how hard you throw them.
First Man: My dog's got no nose.
Second Man: How does he smell?
First Man: Awful.
What does this joke and half a deck of cards have in common?
You can't even deal with it!
What does a 911 call receiver say when they get a call?
"9 Juan Juan, who this?"
What did the skeleton say after dinner?
Bon appétit!
What do people use more than you that is yours?
A rich man and a poor man are talking about anniversaries. The rich man got his wife a Mercedes and a diamond ring. He says if the wife does not like the ring, she can take the Mercedes and leave.
The poor man said he got his wife slippers and a dildo. He says if his wife does not like the slippers, she can go and fuck herself.
How many retards does it take to change a lightbulb? None! They are still too busy trying to turn off the dark.
Click...uh Click..........,.UH!!
Confucius say, never try win head-butting contest with mongoloid: you’ll lose every time and only hurt yourself.
(mono gloid? mong a’ loid squeals)
Did you hear the one about the dog raised by retards?
All he’d do is go “Uh-f, uh-f....Ooohhhh!”
(I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes.)
What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
I was going to tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead.
Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? They’re painful to look at.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.
My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
How long does it take to blow up a baby in the microwave?
I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate...
20 fridges are loaded onto a plane, only 19 come off.
Okay, moving on, you took too long. How many steps does it take to put an elephant into a fridge? (*Their reply:* Idk how many)
3: Open the fridge, put the elephant into the fridge, and close the door.
How do you put a giraffe into the fridge? (*Their reply:* 3...)
Wrong, 4: Open the fridge, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe, and close the door.
Why did Sully fall off the swing? A fridge fell on her.
What does a French woman say when you ask her what her favorite video game is? "Oui, oui!"
Why does Adam go hockey, you might ask?
In my opinion, he shouldn't go because he is bad, but he needs the armor to protect himself from his own step-dad.
How long does it take a baby to cook in the microwave?
I don't know. I close my eyes when I masturbate.
How many tickles does it take for an octopus to laugh?
Why does Sally hate herself? Because Sophie stole her boy.