DOE jokes
What type of file does it take to turn a 4 mm hole to a 44 mm hole?
A pedophile.
When does the slowest person go as fast as a train?
When he is on the train.
Why does an orphan always get the newest iPhone?
Because so he does not have a home button.
Why did Michael Jackson die?
Because I have a new phone number, and he does not know.
What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say when you leave?
"Thanks for coming. Hope you come again soon."
Why does Donald Trump have a fervent crush on the Russian president?
He is Putin his dick where it don't belong!
"Prince, be honest, do you still love me?"
What does a Chinese guy say to the love of his life?
"You're the ying to my yang!"
How many line cooks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Three. One to do it, and two to say that they did it better at the previous restaurant they were at.
A man is dating three women and has to choose which one he'll marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money.
The first woman does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits to look sexy for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.
The second woman goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.
The third woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money... Then he married the one with the biggest breasts.
What does the pedophile use for bait? Trix!
Why does the environmentalist pimp have his hoes fuck bareback?
He wants to keep condoms out of landfills.
What does a skeleton put on his roof?
Shin-gulls.
Why does Hitler hate golf?
He would end up in a bunker!
What does Nemo have in common with my dad?
They both can't be found.
So in class, they were learning about where food comes from:
Teacher: So kids, where does bacon come from?
Student: PIGS!
Teacher: Correct. Where does mutton come from?
Student: SHEEP!
Teacher: And finally, here’s your homework.
Student: IK where that comes from!
A FAT COW! 😂😂
Bully: "You are so stupid!"
Classmate: does nothing.
Bully: "Oi, I'm talking to you!"
Classmate: "Oh, you're talking to me? I thought you were talking to yourself."
My dad's the oldest, and when he was young, he shot my grandpa's balls off, but I thought about it. How does my dad have younger brothers?
How much cum does a gay guy have?
An ass loaded.
If a man and a woman need a marriage license to get married, does a lesbian couple need a liquor license to get married?