DOE jokes

Mama

  • Q: What does your Mama and a slinky have in common?

    A: They aren't much to look at, but you can't help cracking a smile when you see it tumbling down the stairs.

  • 5
  • Hole

  • Why does Trump always ensure he has a second pair of pants with him every weekend?

    In case he gets a hole in one.

  • 0
  • Pineapple

  • Johnny had 55 pineapples. He threw three at his friend. How many does he have now?

    None, because he was pistol whipped then shot at point blank range with a sawed off shotgun covered in fluoroantimonic acid which burned a hole in his skull causing his brain to melt and rupture nerve cells all over his friends. Then his arms and legs were stuffed into a wheat thresher which was used to harvest the meat of the enslaved children. Then his corpse was molested.

  • 7
  • Man

  • What does a middle aged man live in?

    A retarded kid he keeps in the van.

  • 1
  • Suicide

  • People always often say to someone who are thinking about suicide that's the easy way out. Don't give up! All I say is I'm not giving up, just I'm giving in, and does it really seem like it's the easiest way out? I don't think so, it's probably the hardest if you ask me, or I would have done it already, but someone's got to do it.

  • 1
  • Hooker

  • How many hookers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    One, cause they'll screw anything.

  • 0
  • Cow

  • What does the cross guard say to the cows crossing the road?

    Mooooooooooo along!

    Baby

  • How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?

    Well, it's not 8 because my basement is still dark.

  • 0
  • Misunderstanding

  • Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams, "Bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied, "Aunts and uncles." Oh. Next thing he hears is, "Dicks and pussies!" Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he knows, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling, "Fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut, Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh. Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings, and Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."

  • 1