DOE jokes

Why does the adopted kid like playing GTA? Because he wants to be wanted.

What starts with M and ends with carriage?

This joke never gets old, but then again neither does the baby.

Q. How does a feminist stop a rapist?

A. By using her equal strength.

What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common? They both let little kids sit on their lap.

Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?

Because his wife died.

A woman's husband has a yearly conference. The first night he's away from home, their teenage son Tommy comes into their room at night and starts to make love to her, but she knows that it can be dangerous to wake a sleepwalker, so she doesn't say anything. He does this every night for two weeks and stops when his father comes home.

She realizes she's pregnant and has a baby boy.

The next year the same thing happens, she gets pregnant again, and has a baby girl.

The third year, she's feeling very guilty, and after thirteen nights of incredible passionate lovemaking she sits Tommy down and tells him, "Every time your father leaves town on business, you sleepwalk into my bedroom and make love to me. Bobby and Anna aren't just your brother and sister, you're their father!"

Tommy said "You think I was sleepwalking?"

Two cannibals are eating a clown, when one cannibal looks up and asks the other cannibal: "Does he taste funny to you?"

What food does a cheetah eat?

Fast food.

Guy 1: "Tell me a bad pun."

Guy 2: "Alright. What's the difference between a tuna fish, a piano, and a tube of glue?"

Guy 1: "Ok, that last one was random as heck. What is the difference?"

Guy 2: "You can tuna a piano, but you can't piano a tuna."

Guy 1: "Ok, where does the glue come in?"

Guy 2: "Ah, I knew you'd get stuck on that."

Why does Hitler deserve heaven? Because he killed Hitler.

What does an evil hen lay?

Deviled eggs! 😈🥚

What shampoo does Stephen Hawkings use?

Head & Shoulders.

Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?

He only comes once a year.

Russian Santa Claus- You better watch out, You better not cry, cause if you do I will stab your fucking eye, Russian Santa Claus does not fuck around. He's making a list, He's checking it twice... You better leave out some Vodka with ice!

If a heterosexual man gets anonymous oral sex from another heterosexual man at a glory hole, it's called a "brojob", but if a homophobic heterosexual man gets anonymous oral sex from a gay man at a glory hole, it's still called a "brojob". Does it cycle now?

What does Osama bin Laden have in common with Spongebob?

Both can be found at the bottom of the sea, filled full of holes.

How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends on how hard you throw them.

Why does Sally have 100 sisters? She lives in an orphanage.

How many feminists does it take to fix a lightbulb?

None. Feminists can't change anything.

What do Michael Jackson and caviar have in common? They both come on little white crackers.