DOE jokes
How does the cheetah do in every race?
It’s always a cheetah.
How does a rapper make tea?
He drops some HOT BARS into a cup.
So I'm banging the fuck out of this slutty chick, right?
And I'm thinking to myself, "She's PROBABLY got AIDS." So I go and get myself tested and, lo and behold, I'm positive.
This gets me thinking, "Where the fuck does an eight year old get AIDS?!"
"Who has my sister been hanging out with?!"
What does a crooked lawyer who is not on the ACLU payroll have in common with a crooked politician who has an office in Washington, DC?
They both sign their names using a blue pen 🖊 🖊.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? Because his wife died.
The teacher asked the class what sound does a cow make? "Mooo," said Sally. "Good job," said the teacher. "What sound does a sheep make?" "Baa," said Jack. "Good, now what sound does a pig make?" Little Johnny raised his hand really high in the sky. The teacher called on him. He said, "The pig says, 'Get on the ground and put your hands on your head, you black motherfucker.'"
Why does an orphan play GTA?
To get wanted.
What does a plug do when he's horny?
He jacks off!
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it leaves and never comes back...
How does a rapper apologize?
With a rap-ology!
Why can't orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.
I made a website for orphans, but it doesn't have a home page.
Doctor: I’m going to have to turn you away. Orphan: But why? Doctor: Because I’m a family doctor.
Why do orphans like boomerangs? Cause they come back.
Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be wanted.
Girls are like rocks; the flat ones get skipped.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite TV show? Family Guy.
If you hit an orphan, what are they going to do? Tell their parents?
If you hit an orphan with a car, at least you don't have to tell their parents.
Why did the orphan go to church? So he had someone to call Father.
What does an orphan call a family photo? A selfie.
Why was the orphan a big success? Cause people say go big or go home, he only had one option.
Why is it ok to hit an orphan? It’s not like they can tell their parents.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot.
What do orphans and blind kids have in common? They can’t see their parents.
Why can't orphans hear about ancient Egypt? Because they don’t know what a mummy is.
Why are orphans bad at poker? Because they don't know what a full house is.
What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.
What kind of mountain does everyone like?
Mountain Dew!!! Hahah.
What does NASA stand for? Need Another Seven Astronauts.
If having sex for money makes you a wh*re, then what does having sex for free make you?
Non-profit wh*reganisation.
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it becomes apparent!
How does a rapper keep their money safe?
In a RAP VAULT.
What movie does an orphan hate?
- No Way Home.
How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? -- One. They are efficient and don't have humor.
Why does a woodpecker have a beak?
So as to not smash his head against the tree.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.