DOE jokes
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
Teacher: Ok class good morning, we are going to start off by what kind of sound animals make.
Teacher: Ok, what sound does a pig make?
Class: A cow says, "moo moo."
Teacher: Good.
Teacher: What does a sheep make?
Class: A sheep says, "baa baaa."
Teacher: Good! Now what does a pig say?
Little Johnny: A pig says, "Put your hands up and get against the wall you black mother fucke*!"
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? 327.
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Well, there are 69 in my basement, and it's still dark.
What does dark humor and a child with cancer have in common?
That it will never get old.
Memes
Q: What time does an Asian go to the dentist?
A: 2:30
What does the "f" in "orphan" stand for? Family, but there's no "f".
Why does Trump play Minecraft?
'Cause he can build walls.
Gutted rn... the girl I loved hard just got in a relationship. She liked me too so I missed the chance. Idk if she still does... man...
What does a disabled person want to be when they grow up? A stand-up comedian.
How [does] a disabled kid face [the] Jalalas?
He can't run, just hug the bomb.
How many degrees does it take to change ice into boiling water?
199, because the difference between -100 and +100 is 199 (excluding the zero, because it's not real and it doesn't exist because it's not real).
Get?
Q: How much does a skeleton weigh?
A: A skele-TON.
Q: What does a microwave and an M1 Garand have in common?
A: They both go “ping” when they’re done.
What does one piece of toilet paper say to the other?
"I'm wiped!"
How many babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? More than 40 because my basement is still dark.
What does your girl do to me? She sucks me off.
What do Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?
They both get turned on by kids.
Q: How many dogs does it take to shingle a roof? A: It depends on how you cut 'em.
What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!
What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!
What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!
What does a baby computer call his father? Data!
What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear!
Why did the golfer change his pants? Because he got a hole in one!
Does anyone need an ark? I Noah guy!
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
I bought a ceiling fan the other day. Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying “Ooh, I love how smooth it is.”